Magical Confidence

My kindergarten group one year included a tall, older boy named “Noah.” Noah was six-years-old. One day Noah noticed one of the other children was playing with a toy that Noah liked. I watched Noah walk over, grab the toy, and tug it away from the other boy. Noah then went to the other side of the room leaving the other boy teary-eyed.

Standing between me and Noah was a student teacher who was spending 3 weeks in my kindergarten. She was facing Noah and I watched for a minute or so to see if she could help resolve the situation. I could see her tensing up wanting to do or say something but she did not.

Not wanting the situation to be prolonged, I went over to Noah with outstretched hand, palm up. I didn’t say anything. Noah looked at me, sighed and handed me the toy. Then I went over to the boy who had started with the toy and handed it to him. At the same time I spoke, loudly enough for Noah to hear across the room, “It is Sam’s turn now. Noah can have a turn next.”

That’s all I said and did, and I resumed the activity I had been doing with some other children. The situation was resolved. Harmony was restored. 

And I had offered the two boys something they could imitate in future interactions, though it might take a number of similar interventions by me until one or the other boy took up a new approach. Noah could perhaps go to another child and ask, “Could I have a turn next?” Or Sam could say, when another child is trying to take something he is using, “It’s my turn now. You can have a turn next.” But remember, it might take many, many similar interventions by me until the children take up the new habit in their speaking.

What does not work is saying,”I already told you to ask for a turn.” It is not useful to expect quick changes in children’s behaviors. It results in frustration on the adult’s part when you expect change after one or two on fifty interventions. Habit change is slow and comes at it’s own time.

One thing that helps me is understanding that the children have developed habits, unconscious strategies, that have been successful for them in their past so they will keep using those habits until another strategy takes it’s place. That takes time and repetition.

After the children had gone home that day, the student teacher asked me, “How did you do that?” She was amazed. She though I did something magical. I thought I took a simple and logical action. In our discussion we came to realize that when I approached Noah, hand open for him to give me the toy, I had confidence that he would give it to me. I didn’t force him to give it to me, but I knew he would. I knew the situation called for the other boy having the toy returned to him and so I was the vehicle for restoring kindergarten harmony. And on some level Noah knew it too. My student teacher went away considering the question of inner confidence in knowing what is needed.

Thanks to all of you for reading. I hope I can continue to offer helpful ideas and experiences that make your life with young children more satisfying for all concerned! 

And now for some 'housekeeping.'

If you want to receive this newsletter, after signing up there is still one step to complete. An automatic email is sent to your email address and you must confirm if you want to have this newsletter sent to your inbox.

One another subject, I want your help with solving a mystery. I noticed on the analytics page of my blog (that only I can access) that for a couple of weeks, hundreds of views of my blog are from folks in Russia. I don’t know who those folks are, ‘google analytics’ does not give that information. My blog is in English, I have not yet done workshops in Russia. I have no close family there, though some ancestors came from there bringing my surname.

If anyone can help with this mystery, please contact me. I am so curious.

The Turning of the Year - 9 recommendations

The turning point of the year is a time to look back at what we have done, and consider what we could do better in the future. In the northern hemisphere where I live most of the time, the days are shorter at this time of year leading to more introspection and reflection. It is a time to take hold of one’s own development and self-education. 

British poet and playwright Christopher Fry wrote the following words in 1951 in his play A Sleep of Prisoners. They also speak clearly to our time, to our moment in world history;

The human heart can go to the lengths of God.

Dark and cold we may be, but this

Is no dark winter now. The frozen misery

Of centuries breaks, cracks, begins to move,

The thunder is the thunder of the floes,

The thaw, the flood, the upstart Spring.

Thank God our time is now when wrong

Comes up to face us everywhere,

Never to leave us till we take

The longest stride of soul men ever took.

Affairs are now soul size.

The enterprise

Is exploration into God.

Where are you going? It takes

So many thousand years to wake,

But will you wake for pity’s sake....

What can we each do to wake up? It is no easy task, this “longest stride of soul.” Only we ourselves know what to do to make ourselves into into the better person we can become. How can I better serve the world and the young children who are the future?

I wish you all strength and enthusiasm in your own work at shining some light into your shadows and creating new habits that are more supportive and life affirming. 

As we transition from 2015 to 2016, I’d like to share nine recommendations that are valuable and meaningful for me - some of my favorite resources to help you on your way. .

1. The Alliance for Childhood promotes policies and practices that support children’s healthy development, love of learning, and joy in living. Their public education campaigns bring to light both the promise and the vulnerability of childhood. The Alliance has published various writings in support of healthy development and a sustainable future for our children. They campaign on behalf of the children for a more just and healthy future.

2. For 20 years now, LILIPOH magazine has been offering ideas on living a healthy lifestyle from many perspectives. Their wonderful articles address nutrition and food, health, gardening, social life, education, economics and more. I hope you have had a chance to read some of their issues, if not...now is the time.

3. The Challenge of the Will, written by Margret Meyerkort and Rudi Lissau, offers guidance for understanding young children and human beings of all ages. The tone of this book is very much one of questioning. We are not told what to do, but through the images that are offered we can decide how to best meet the needs of the young child. This little book also looks to the self-education of the adult as a key to the child’s healthy development. When we can wake up and be more present, we can better serve the needs of the children.

4. Helle Heckmann led a program for 1- to 6-year-olds in Copenhagen and has traveled widely offering workshops, lectures and mentoring. For 30 years, her goal has been to support parents and child caregivers who want to nurture early childhood and help young children blossom and thrive. Helle writes an inspiring blog!

The next few listings are folks who support the work of adult self development. They offer tools and paradigms for self-education as well as practices for self-transformation.

5. Rick Hanson is a psychologist, writer and Buddhist teacher. His books include Hardwiring Happiness and Buddha's Brain. Rick’s work examines the relationship of meditative activity and neurology and offers techniques for changing our own neurology. He also offers an online program to help you develop positive neuroplasticity called Foundations for Wellbeing. This program helps you turn everyday experiences into inner strengths including kindness toward yourself, insight into others, grit, gratitude and self-worth.

6. David Richo is another psychologist and Buddhist teacher. His many books include You Are Not What You Think and How to Be and Adult in Relationships. David offers insight into how getting our needs met in our early years (or not) has repercussions in adulthood.

7. Brene Brown has devoted her life to studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. Her insights into the human condition in our modern times is profound. She also has written three bestselling books:Rising Strong, Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection. 

Drs. Hanson, Richo and Brown all have numerous audio and video recordings you can access on the internet to more fully consider their work and its implications for your life.

8. The 8-Shields Foundation is dedicated to the work of deep nature connection, culture repair, cultural mentoring and community resilience. They offer support in strengthening families and guidance in developing true mentoring. The practices they offer come from the wisdom traditions and elders of many cultures.

9. Self-care. Nobody can do this for you. You need to find some balance and remember to enjoy yourself. What do you love to do?

I suggest reading delicious novels and listening to great music. Here are a few authors I suggest; Louise Erdrich (Plague of Doves, Four Souls), Terry Pratchett (the Disc World books) and Jane Yolen (Except the Queen). Each of these writers has published many, many books and I haven’t found a single lemon yet.

And as for music, if you ever get a chance to see Bongo Love perform, don’t miss it! This band of young musicians from Zimbabwe play a unique style of music they call ‘afrocoustics.’  Their positive message of love and peace is steeped in an infectious rhythm and high musicianship. 

Make time for renewal and fun! Take some grownup time. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Self-care your way to a balanced life that enriches your children too!

So as we enter into 2016, again I wish you wisdom, strength and enthusiasm to meet the world and nurture the young children who are the future. The world is depending on them! 

5 Guiding Thoughts for the Holiday Season

As a continuation of my previous post, I want to offer some more thoughts for the season.

Many religious traditions point to the specialness of this time of year. What the many traditions speak of at this time of year are light and love. Because of the shorter days and often cooler weather, there is a tendency toward inwardness. This can manifest as quiet reflection, contemplation and meditation, and can thereby be a time of a birth of the true self, that core part of our psyche that we want to guide us to awake responsiveness.

We adults must make the time for this crucial self development activity!

So here are my five guiding thoughts.

1. This is a time of year to remember our human connectedness, human community, and the warmth and love of human relationships. 

Phone or write cards (actual paper in envelopes with stamps) to reconnect with family and friends who you may have neglected reaching out to over the year or years. Sit down and eat meals together without electronic distractions. Experience the warmth of human gatherings.

2. Remember your deep and true human values of giving, compassion, caring, generosity, sharing, warmth, and love.

Out of your care and compassion, what support and help can you offer others who may be in need? A hug for a friend or a meal for a homeless person?

3. How can you help your child toward these through your example?

Rather than a mood of getting, frantic shopping, stress, and the over stimulation of malls, movies, and consumerism, create quiet times reading stories, singing and making things together and simply being together.

4. How about making time for cooking together.?

Surround your child with warmth of the modern hearth, the smells of cooking, the warmth of your activity, the giving of cooking for others, cooking as a gift? Maybe make some sandwiches that you can bring downtown and give away to folks who have less to eat that you.

5. Create an environment of less stimulation for your young child!

The world of stores is so bright and loud and intentionally overstimulating. Find ways to leave your young child at home if you must enter the rushing shopping world. Grandma or Grandpa would be so happy to have time with your children, or maybe you can trade off with other parents.

Do you know that the light source with the closest spectrum of light as sunlight is candle light? Have less bright lights (including colorful screens) and less loud music for your young children. Read and sing by candlelight. It can be such an enriching experience for you and your children.

Reminder: My books are still on sale for 15% off through December. http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/stevespit

What your child really needs this holiday season (and book sale through Dec. 31)

I write this at the beginning of November. Halloween has passed, and I am guessing many people are gearing up for a coming holiday season. Many family traditions involve celebrations and holidays in the winter months. Thanksgiving comes at the end of November. This year Diwali is November 11. In 2015, Hanukkah starts the evening of December 6, the same day many families celebrate St. Nicholas. Yule is celebrated on the Solstice, December 21. Many families celebrate Christmas December 25, and the four weeks of Advent that lead up to it. Kwanzaa starts December 26.

One thing these Festivals have in common is a they celebrate the light in a time of year when the days are shorter. These celebrations generate gatherings of families and friends, sharing food together and often there are gifts exchanged.

What does your young child need this holiday season?

Let’s start out with what your child does not need.

She doesn’t need the new Hello Barbie.

He doesn’t need a new Touch and Swipe Baby Phone.

She doesn’t need the latest Game Boy or Disney Princess Doll.

He can do without a Drone Camera (even if you really want it).

It is not toys and gifts that your child needs. Your child most need you to truly connect with her. It isn’t stuff that is the real need - it is the fabric of a connected life. Connected to family and family traditions, to nature and the seasons, and connected to herself. The example of connecting the adults offer is the style of connecting imitated by the child. It is up to you to show the path to connecting in the holiday season.

It is you that your child most needs. You, the parent available, present and connecting. You are your child’s guide in this life on earth, and you are her example of how to live. To me, holidays are an opportunity to develop and nurture traditions of connecting with each other. And I’d like to share some specific suggestions.

What are the foods that are important to you as part of your family holiday? Do you have the same foods every year on that holiday? That is something that makes memories and helps your child have direct experiences of the cycle of the year.

When I think of foods, I try to think how the child can engage in the preparation of those foods. Can he help cut up the vegetables? Can she pour in the ingredients for the sauces? Can you knead the dough together? Be a creative cook and create ways for your young child to help prepare the food. Food preparation is a social gesture of service. Encourage your child in this way. One tip though - plan for the extra time that these young helpers will add to your prep time.

Another aspect of food is that you can make food together for other people as gifts. Grandma would love some pumpkin bread you made for her. Uncle Steve would be thankful for a batch of chocolate chip cookies. And don’t forget the mail delivery person and your health care professionals. The gift of food is a gift of love!

There are many other types of simple gifts you can make together with your children, the internet is littered with them. You can help your child to create gifts for siblings and other relatives. It is a wonderful sea change when you can shift your family culture from gift-getting to gift-giving! And you have created this opportunity for spending time together engaged on behalf of another person. Incredible!

What about singing together? My fondest elementary school memory is the weeks leading up to Winter Break each year. The school would open a half hour early for those who wanted, and the halls were full of teachers and children singing together songs from various religions and traditions. You can create this on a smaller scale and sing at home, maybe after dinner each evening, or in the car. “Of course,” you say. “That’s a great idea but I can’t sing.” The secret is, your child is NOT a critic. She will be a joyous participant in song with you and you will even discover it is FUN.

How about arranging for some friends and families to get together and walk around a neighborhood knocking on doors and offering songs to the residents? Caroling is great fun and you can even meet your neighbors. The possibilities are infinite.

Maybe you can have a special family outing to a special performance. Perhaps there is an annual artistic or musical performance in your area that you can make part of your family annual tradition, and each year make sure to return as a family in your fancy outing clothes. In my area, El Teatro Campesino presents theartrical productions and every other year they offer a version of the story of ‘Our Lady of Guadalupe’ they call “La Virgen del Tepeyac.” For my younger daughters, and now my granddaughter, it is our family tradition to head down to San Juan Bautista and enjoy the pageant (it’s really an amazing show) of the meeting of the traditional culture with the Spanish colonialists. 

If giving gifts is important to you, I suggest limit the amount. Wisely choose the one gift that is just right for the child, and that she will enjoy and treasure. Gifts made by you are extra special.  

A gift that is something for the child to do, or make, is a great way to go. How about a tool box or sewing kit and some supplies to go along with it. And then be sure to make something along with your child so she can learn by imitating you (because imitation is how the young child learns).

What about one special book as a gift? Maybe each year, for a birthday or a holiday gift, choose one book that you sense will mean something for your child. And then after he receives the book, read it to him again and again.

Oh...don’t forget to limit your own use of electronic devices so they are not an obstacle to connecting with your child. Have some electronic free time, and make the time to use your smart phone when your child is asleep, or otherwise engaged and you are elsewhere. Be smarter than your smart phone.

The best present for your child is your presence. True connecting with your young child takes some active will on your part to overcome the habits our consumer culture has created. It’s worth the effort.

And as a holiday offering, all my books are available at 15% off through December 31. Click here for details. 

Happy Holidays to you all, whatever holidays you enjoy!

Two Conditions for Creativity

Creativity requires 2 conditions: opportunity, and a feeling of safety. 

There is a crisis of creativity in our world. Why? Because creativity does not have so much opportunity, and because our world is filled with fears and anxieties. These two things are the cause of the dearth of creativity.  

Several recent articles point to the relationship of widespread portable electronic devices and decrease in creativity. (http://www.cbsnews.com/news/how-mobile-devices-rob-you-of-creativity/) When we, and our children, are allowed to be bored from time to time, with no devices that entertain and occupy, our imagination is free to be active. The children need these times to develop their own creativity that will be their lifelong capacity. Boredom is the medium that creativity can develop within. Children that are allowed the opportunity to daydream without being constantly entertained develop powerful muscles for self-generated creativity and happiness. (see the late Burton White, Ph.D., Harvard Univ.)

To nurture the development of imagination in young children the essential ingredient is play and lots of it. To create a foundation for adult capacities of creativity, innovation and imagination, make sure that child gets plenty of time for free, creative, unstructured, improvisational play. Play in which the point is the playing, the process. Play where the real world falls away and the experience seems to make time stop. Play that is self regulated by the children and is free of adult direction and goals.

The important thing is that the young child’s play must be self-directed and allowed to proceed without adult intervention (unless safety is compromised). When the child in fully engaged in his play, totally gone from the ‘real’ world such as we adults know it, he is making discoveries and connections and laying the foundation for creativity and innovation that will be a lifelong capacity. True early childhood play has no goal or product intended, it is pure improvisation.

Adult fears and worries interfere with the young child’s possibility of play. Fear and anxiety pervade the adult world. Politics and advertising rely on fear as a persuading tool, and it permeates our culture. The children of today are surrounded by the fears of the adults, and the world of the adults is filled with more and more fears and anxiety. Adults' fears interfere with play, the children’s avenue for developing social skills and mastering their own fears. 

As we know, the young child as wholly sense organ experiences not only the sense-perceptible world, but also the feelings and even thinking of those in her surroundings. Fear and anxiety in the adults is experienced in an immediate way by the young child. Fears in the adults around them yield anxious children. 

Anxious children have difficulty entering into free creative play with others. True play can live when the environment feels safe to the child. Then protective and defensive behaviors are at a minimum, and the child can be vulnerable. One has to feel safe to be vulnerable. Play is based on vulnerability. A tense and anxious or fear-filled atmosphere for a child evokes defensive and protective behavior. The nature of play involves risk. So we adults have to establish a foundation of safety so play can arise.

There are so many fears that affect adults in our time. I will not list them, suffice to say that the adults' fears and anxieties can result in the child being unable to let go into play. The nature of play involves risk. Children need a lack of outer control over their play. Yet out of fear, how much adult controlling of the children's play happens? 

Are there ways to decrease our anxiety and fear? Can we learn to let go of control and allow the children to freely play? There is no recipe for these, but we each owe it to the children and the future to find the way. One part of the answer is in finding our own joy so we can create an environment of love and joy. Then the child can play and his capacity for creativity is strengthened.

Play allows the child to control their own fears. It can be a safe environment in which to deal with fear issues. And play can only be in an environment where the child feels safe.

We adults need to create a safe space for the child where they feel cared about, loved, and allowed to express themselves and without our anxiety rising up, so the children can open up and embrace the universe through their play.

There is a crisis of creativity in our world. The way to change that is to nurture an environment of play, play, play for young children.

“Grandpa, can you see what’s in my mind?”

It’s easy to take things for granted. I was reminded of that when my 6-year-old granddaughter recently said to me, “Grandpa, can you see what’s in my mind?”

As an adult, I experience that the world of my own thoughts is mine and mine alone. (Of course, there are some people who have access to others’ thoughts, but that is rare.) A young child does not have this experience. She can sense what others are feeling and thinking. We all have had experiences when a young child somehow received our unspoken thoughts or feelings. Adults have filters that are not very developed in young children. Additionally, the neurology of the young child is not mature so the capacity for reasoning and understanding abstract ideas is minimal. (See my previous recent posts for more on this.)

Alongside neurological development a complementary process is taking place in the young child. The experience of the separateness of her own self is arising. The newborn experiences a oneness with all sense experiences. That experiencing is of the sense perceptions themselves, but not of a center, a self that is having those sense experiences. You can say it is perception without conception, of experiences without thinking about those experiences. You could say that the newborn lives fully in her periphery without an experience of a center, a self. Relating to the world from a ‘self’ develops slowly over years and is not complete until one is in her twenties.

When I wake up from a dream, I am aware that I have had a dream. When my granddaughter, or any young child, wakes up from a dream she does not have the same awareness that it was a dream. Dreaming and waking experience have the same sense of reality for the young child.

So, the combination of an immature neurology and an immature sense of self leads to my granddaughter’s questioning of whether her mind is her own private domain. And I celebrated her curiosity and questioning of what she experiences and her reflections on that experience.

I am going to keep this post short and sweet and I hope you take away this important thought:

Young children experience the world differently that adults do. In part it is because of the developing brain, and in part because of the developing sense of self. Your young child experiences the world differently than you do!

Repeat after me;

Your young child experiences the world qualitatively differently than you do!

Milburn T. Maupin: A Catalpa Model School

August 12, in Jefferson County, Kentucky, the Milburn T. Maupin: A Catalpa Model School opens. 

The Jefferson County School District in Kentucky recognized that their schools were not producing the desired results. In 2014 they created a contest to find innovative approaches to education that could meet the students’ needs. 92 proposals were entered. On August 11, 2014 two winners were chosen - and one of the two winning innovative programs was a proposal championed by four dedicated Jefferson County teachers in collaboration with Kentahten Waldorf Teacher Training (http://kiwiky.com/). The Catalpa Model is the developmental and multi-disciplinary approach of Waldorf education and meets the Kentucky’s Core Academic Standards in creative and innovate ways. The school district chose a facility and teachers were given the opportunity to join this historic initiative. On August 12 students will arrive and start a new school year at Milburn T. Maupin: A Catalpa Model School - a Waldorf public school in Louisville, Kentucky!!!!

I feel honored to have been part of the summer teacher training for these dedicated teachers, I worked with the early childhood teachers for two weeks this past June. What an amazing process we went through together. At the start of the two weeks, one of the teachers put it so well, “We have to do a lot of unlearning.” And together we did plenty of unlearning and lots of learning.

A central feature of the kindergartens in the new school is that the program is play centered. Play is a developmental ground for the capacities that will be needed for later academic learning. Unstructured creative play for the young child is the laboratory where the child’s own body can develop, where nature and science can be explored and where the social world can be experimented with. With ample opportunity for social interactive play, the children can develop social skills and a deep understanding of the way the world works.

The teachers all described a process of letting go of the way they had done things previously and learning how to be open to the children in front of them. Their previous experience in the kindergarten classroom was of academic lessons and much time spent sitting at desks and teacher ‘presentations.’ In all Jefferson County classrooms, including kindergartens, “smart boards” are mounted on the wall next to the chalk board. A smart board is a large, interactive computer monitor mounted on the wall next to the chalkboard and is used for lesson presentation. In the kindergartens of the new program there will be no smart boards and no chalk boards. Chalk boards are waiting for the students when they get to first grade. Academic lessons are first presented in First Grade in the new school. Kindergarten teachers are focused on creating an environment of opportunities for self-initiated learning of the kindergarten students.

In our two weeks in June, the focus became how to understand and work with the principle of imitation. For young children, imitation is the natural way of learning so what sorts of examples can the kindergarten teachers offer for the children to imitate? The approach of explaining and instructing is not effective yet it is something we all have to unlearn because it is how adults tend to operate in the world. Learning how the neurology of the young child functions and how to support neural development is key in all of this. A key neurological developmental feature is that the prefrontal cortex is the last portion of the brain to fully develop and it is not finished and mature until one’s late 20’s. This means that young children do not develop complex decision-making and planning skills until much later in their development. With young children (whose prefrontal cortex is barely developed) adults might be spending a lot of time trying to explain to them, even though their brain is not ready for the type of understanding the adult is expecting. 

I am on my soapbox again; the part of the brain that is key to reasoning, problem solving, comprehension, and impulse-control is the prefrontal cortex. These executive brain functions are needed when we have to focus and think, mentally play with ideas, use our short-term working memory, and thinking before reacting in any situation. Adults tend to assume there to be a more developed neurology in the young child than is even possible. Many educational philosophies also assume this capacity to be present in the young child. These experienced teachers had to unlearn many past practices and grapple with the reality of neurological development, and how best to address that in a kindergarten classroom setting.

Alongside learning how to be an example for the children, we considered what sorts of enrichment for their developing imaginations we can offer. Stories and the songs and poems of circle time can offer inspiration for play. Circle time also offers the children opportunities for integrating their senses and developing more freedom of movement 

Are there ways to engage the children without telling them what to do? Learning only happens when we do it ourselves - it can’t be force fed. So the art of educating young children becomes creating an environment where learning can happen uniquely for each of the children.

Congratulations to the teachers and staff, and the students and parents who have chosen to be part of this new educational opportunity. The road ahead will surely have challenges and the rewards will be worth the struggles.