tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70403228575043862582024-02-02T10:46:33.677-08:00Chamakanda BlogsExplore the world of the young child with me, Stephen Spitalny, early childhood consultant and writer. I offer lectures, workshops and mentoring around the world.
I was a kindergarten teacher at the Santa Cruz Waldorf School for 24 years and am a former board member of WECAN (Waldorf Early Childhood Association of North America).
Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-64088866060367482062023-12-27T09:22:00.000-08:002023-12-27T09:22:01.617-08:00New Year, New Possibilities for New Habits<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div> It
is time to forge new habits. The approach of a new year gives us an
opportunity to create new communication habits with the young children
in our groups. <b>Now is the perfect time.</b> Now is a perfect time for
teachers because they are away from the children during the holidays
and can reprogram themselves. Perfect for the parents because they can
practice in real life many hours each day, and reflect on how it went
each evening when the children fall asleep. Changing habits and creating
new ones is not easy. Maybe this will strike your fancy and you can
consider making the space in your life for taking up some new practices.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2wxrmJkxeuHzBHWD7S-FYinbqpg_V7fuOX8sjY52o86EiVJA9v54XUSkh5n8r4XU1A5WB027oHx9MeTNQzpvJDgeXyN25eqGxMA640H4X12J62MP55CjEcEV9zIePSnHBnkMbpy7Xv1DpaPggtUN3-uL3QXwNTCpnlsHRDrDnuqJ8X97O_Yv27arrODe8/s4032/IMG_2868.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2wxrmJkxeuHzBHWD7S-FYinbqpg_V7fuOX8sjY52o86EiVJA9v54XUSkh5n8r4XU1A5WB027oHx9MeTNQzpvJDgeXyN25eqGxMA640H4X12J62MP55CjEcEV9zIePSnHBnkMbpy7Xv1DpaPggtUN3-uL3QXwNTCpnlsHRDrDnuqJ8X97O_Yv27arrODe8/w320-h240/IMG_2868.HEIC" width="320" /></a></div><br />One recent Sunday morning, I was listening to a talk by <b>Anam Thubten</b>, a teacher of Tibetan Buddhism. He said, “Being free from your habits is the ultimate freedom. It takes a practice - any practice.” This can be a time for bringing in new practices into your life as a road towards freeing yourself from some habits. I would like to consider some habits in the realm of communication. Some of this applies to our communication with young children. Most of it applies to all communication.<br /><br />Think about an interaction you had with a child when things did not turn out the way you wanted. Perhaps you had a conflict with a child, or perhaps you were trying to resolve a conflict between two children. I am sure there are many events you could bring to mind.<br /><br />What happened inside you when the child didn’t do what you wanted? what thoughts and feelings rose up for you? If you are like most humans, you got at least mildly upset, you probably had thoughts like “He shouldn’t have done that.” “That wasn’t appropriate,” or “That was wrong to do.” What quickly arises in us are thoughts judging the behavior of others.<br /><br />Now, let’s look at levels of response to the given situation. I am not in favor of ANY of these types of response and I’ll explain why.<br /><br />Level one - you have judgmental thoughts (like those above) and maybe you get angry. "He shouldn't have done that." "She was being bad/naughty/mean."<br /><p></p><p>Level two - you say something judgmental based on those thoughts, ie scolding. </p><p>Level three - You send the child to his or her bedroom, or the coatroom, or other containment space AKA ‘time out.’ Or, you take away a privilege or withhold a treat or an adventure AKA “consequence” or “punishment.”</p><p>Level four - you physically hurt the child (corporal punishment)<br /><br />From my point of view, all create the situation where you, the adult, are a danger, a threat, to the child. All are a variation of inflicting punishment on someone who has 'done something wrong.' The only sensible response for the child is for his or her neurology to implement fight/flight/freeze/hide tactics until the danger passes. The odd thing is the adult is wanting the child to change behavior but is creating a situation in which the part of the brain which has the capacity for learning is not in charge.<br /><br />Let’s look at this in terms of neurological development. (The following ages are approximate.) In human beings, the most ancient parts of the brain are responsible for survival, fight/flight/freeze/hide, and where habits and automatic routines are performed. Vital functions such as breathing and heart beat are managed by this part of our neurology. These parts of the human brain are mature by about two-years-old and include the brainstem and the cerebellum.<br /><br />By age seven, the limbic system has ripened into full functioning. It is the part of the brain that processes experience into memory, where feelings are experienced and where learning can take place.<br /><br />The prefrontal cortex (PFC) is the home of so-called ‘executive functioning' such as reasoning, focusing attention, self-reflection, abstraction, planning, impulse control, and so much more. It isn’t fully mature until someone is in their late 20’s.<br /><br />So let me get to the point. A teacher or parent has access to the capacities of the PFC. A young child simply does not. Think about it. The young child learns by imitating, What can we offer that we would be happy if the child did (eventually) imitate? Can we develop the patience to allow the child to take up what we offer as an example in their own time?’<br /><br />It all starts with how we frame in our own minds the behaviors we don’t like. If we can see the child’s behavior as a learned strategy to get what they want or need, then we don’t have to have the thought that they are bad or wrong, or they shouldn’t have, etc… Then we can understand that the strategy is not to our liking and we can provide example of a different strategy that we hope will be imitated and eventually replace the unwanted strategy and become a new habit.</p><p></p><p>There are no recipes for this. Each of us is different and each child is unique. We do, however, have the capacity to use our advanced neurology to think of possible solutions, to think of ways to develop new habits, to think of what we want the child to imitate. We have the potential to change our minds - to stop framing in terms of right and wrong and attempting to change 'wrong' behavior by punishment.<br /><br />In this time of a new year, let’s think about new strategies and new habits. It starts with us. It starts with how we as adults frame our experiences. And then that new perspective can inform our own actions and words and our world will be a better place for us and our children.<br /><br /><br /></p>Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-11082608334237746612020-12-27T20:00:00.001-08:002020-12-27T20:07:10.459-08:00The Time for Changing Habits is Now<p><span style="font-size: medium;">This is as good a time of year as any to consider if you have any habits that are worthy of changing. I would like to nominate a habit that most of us have in our thinking. It arises after someone else does something other than what we wanted them to do when our mind goes to a variety of options all related to judging the other person as bad or wrong or worthy of punishment. Sometimes these thoughts don’t rise to the level of consciousness but they nonetheless fuel words and actions. And this sort of judging can happen in regard to other adults or to our own beloved children.<br /><br />I think it is based on an ancient tendency in thinking that says “if things don’t go the way they are supposed to, if things don’t go the way I want, then it is somebody’s fault and they have to pay somehow.”<br /><br />For this post I will try to stick with adult/child interactions, but feel free to extrapolate to all your relations and interactions.<br /><br />Let’s use an example for dissection purposes. Your child takes a toy from their sibling, or some other child. The other child had been playing with the toy and your child went over, took hold of the toy, and tugged. When they got the toy from the other child they walked away smiling. The other child? Not so happy.<br /><br />So what happens? What happens first of all inside you? Likely you think thoughts such as: “That was wrong.” “That was bad.” “That was not appropriate.” “They shouldn’t have,” and so on…. This is Level One punishment. It is in the realm of thinking. Then you open your mouth and scolding words such as the things you had just been thinking enter the environment. This scolding is Level Two. Level Two may also include you saying such things as, “How would you like it if they did that to you?” <br /><br />Level Three can go two ways. One version of Level Three is called ‘Time Out.’ It is really code for ‘punishment.’ “You have done something wrong, and now you have to go away from everyone and be by yourself.” (sometimes ‘Time Out’ can be used to create a much-needed break from interactions but is rarely used as such) The other way of Level Three is hitting, spanking, slapping, etc….all varieties of corporal punishment.<br /><br />The thing is, all three levels are punishment. As soon as we begin on the path of negatively judging we have entered the realm of punishment. So, the grand ancient and deeply ingrained habit I am suggesting you consider changing is thinking judgmental thoughts, and it is not an easy feat to change this habit. But I am going to offer you three short thoughts that can help you begin to break this habit, a habit that damages connection and offers little chance of learning for both parties involved.<br /><br />1. Everybody has needs and wants. Everybody! And starting when we are quite little we begin to attempt to get what we need and want. These attempts are based partly on imitation of those around us, and partly on trial and error. We see the techniques others use to get what they need and want and we copy and adapt those. If those techniques work to get us what we need and want, we keep doing them and those become our habits. So, it starts out as a strategy for attaining something, and then this repeating strategy becomes our habit. Perhaps the child who takes from the other child has the habit of taking. This habit was learned, and conditioned by experiences. This habit was solidified through interactions with <b>you</b>. It is a dynamic between you and your child. They continue to do the habit (of taking) because it works. Get it?</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />2. What if, when your child does something other than what you wanted, you try and become aware of what is the truth for you in the experience? I’d like to suggest the obvious and that is…if your child does other than what you want, your experience is the simple feeling of “I don’t like this.” That is not a judgement of right and wrong, good or bad, etc….it is simply what you are feeling. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />3. Empathy means trying to walk in another’s shoes, trying to experience where their choices, actions, and words are coming from. “What lead this person to speak or act in this way?” Not to accept any and all behaviors out of empathy, but trying to understand another’s behaviors. This is empathy. Paired with compassion, empathy can be a guiding force towards changing our own habits. We can begin to experience the effects on others of our habits of judging, of seeking fault, and assessing punishment. And perhaps that can be a stimulus for our own change!<br /><br />The time is right now for taking hold of ourselves and manifesting change. Only you can change you (by the way, you can’t change anyone other than you). What are you waiting for?<br /><br />As I mentioned, this is no easy road, but the rewards of changing this habit of thought are enhanced connection with those you love, and less stress and anxiety in your own life. It is worth the effort.</span></p><p><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Beyond Sticks and Carrots - True Connecting with the Young Child</span></i></b> <br /></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span><span style="font-size: medium;">Free Virtual Workshop with Steve <br /></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span><span style="font-size: medium;">Saturday, January 23, 2021 at 10am California time</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #134f5c;"><span><span style="font-size: medium;">No preregistration - limited to first 100 participants </span></span><br /><span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span><span style="font-size: medium;">Here is the Zoom link. Simply log on for the event:</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><b>https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81182294840?pwd=SzZ6TVZ0bENJQlBuNnlEQm9Ea3VaZz09<br /><br />Meeting ID: 811 8229 4840<br />Passcode: hUj0RQ</b></span><br /><br /><br /></span></p>Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-51882675254349915482020-12-12T20:28:00.004-08:002020-12-12T20:45:58.593-08:002020 is Almost Over, All Over the World<p><span style="font-size: medium;">2020 is almost over, and what a year it has been! For everyone and everywhere!</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />This has been a momentous year for challenges, uncertainty and stress. To say this has been a stressful year is way beyond understatement. And as we approach the solstice, and the beginning of a new year, much of the cause of the stress is still with us. In the US, we have had turmoil surrounding the November election, and there is a raging pandemic worldwide, and the climate is still changing, continuing to create more and more severe weather patterns. Right now, layered on top of that we are in the midst of a holiday season in which most of us cannot spend time with our family members who don’t live with us. This year, our holiday traditions will not be the source of comfort they often are.<br /><br />Many children and grandparents will not be spending time together during the holidays this year. So there is sadness on top of grief. What can we do to alleviate the suffering? How can we say no to accepting more stress? As adults caring for young children, we need to do things to reduce anxiety and discomfort in ourselves, and in so doing we help to lessen stress for the children. I have 3 suggestions:<br /><br /><b>1. Stillness, quiet and peace.</b><br />Create some time for stillness in your family life. Put away the electronic devices, stop talking and pause in silence together for a least a few moments several times a day. Perhaps before a meal, hold hands with each other and sit for a moment with no words, simply being and enjoying. Perhaps add a practice of speaking gratitude for the food you are about to eat and that you are able to be present with each other. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Stillness and quiet are a fertile ground for imagination and creativity. Who knows what is born in the quiet spaces? If your child complains about being bored, you can encourage them to find something to do…out of their own will and initiative. Boredom can be fertilizer for creativity.<br />The holiday season is often a time where we can be overwhelmed by going and doing out in the world. Especially the young children can get overwhelmed by the places we drag them to; the sounds, sights, smells and the hustle and bustle. So in a way, this pandemic year is helping avoid that sort of overwhelm for the children. It means we are spending more time at home together. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Again I suggest, create times where there is no music or media playing, where we adults put away our devices and families can simply spend time together as the creators of the soundscape for their own experience. Not all day, but try it and see what arises. Then you may find yourselves enjoying more and more time spent together in this way.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Enjoy the quiet and rejoice in the stillness. <br />And perhaps you will discover an inner peace arising.<br /><b><br />2. Be aware of your own inner darkness.</b> <br />At this time of year, there is a tendency for human beings, adults especially, to turn inward and wallow in regrets and sadnesses. We tend to spend a lot of time thinking about what could have been, where we went wrong and even can end up in a self-pity-party. At the very least, we humans tend towards introspection as the days grow shorter and the nights longer.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />There even is a condition named S.A.D. which stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is caused by a reduction in sunlight on the body causing sadness and distress in some individuals. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />A soul remedy for this, a way to maintain some balance, especially this year, is first to be aware of this possibility. And then to actively connect with levity - from listening to comedians, to reading funny stories, to reading the wisdom of sages, both modern and of old, and to opening yourself to receiving the light of the stars and planets that shines on us all the time. If we think of this light as the medium for the cosmos to transmit wisdom to human beings, perhaps we can fill ourselves with that light as an antidote to extreme inwardness. <br />We can start with “as if.” Act as if the light from the stars IS wisdom. And then try to actively receive the light and let it gather in our hearts where it can become intention for deeds based on love. Practice ‘as if’ until it becomes what is.<br /><br /><b>3. Nature is a healer</b><br />Even in pandemic times, we can go out in nature. We can take walks in the woods, at the beach, on the ridge tops. Nature soothes and nurtures both adults and children. Go without an agenda. Simply go into nature (again, leave your electronic devices behind). If you can find your way to a place in nature where there is moving water such as the ocean or a stream, you will find a physiological relaxation. Moving water releases negative ions which are relaxing for us. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Try grounding yourself in nature. If it is not too cold, take off your shoes so your bare feet touch the earth. It is physically grounding and a release of any positive charge you may have accumulated.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />These pandemic days we are all not getting as much human touch as we like, as we need. I have often suggested we end our Zoom meetings by looking at each other, and wrapping our arms around ourselves a sort of group self-hug. It can help.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />Another great way to have some touch and hugging is when you are out in nature. Look around and find a tree that is just the right size. Go up to it and give it a hug. I really mean it. Try it and let yourself feel it. Suggest your child do the same, though with a smaller tree. Try different trees with different types of bark. Become a modern tree hugger. Do it not only because you love the trees and want to protect them, but do it also because of the therapeutic benefit you receive from the trees.<br /><b><span style="color: #38761d;"><br />I wish for you all a wonder-filled holiday season, full of warmth, light and love….and health. Merry Chrismahanukwanzmakah….and remember to hug some trees!</span></b><br /><br /></span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Here is a recent talk I gave: <br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7JqIRpC1y0" target="_blank"><i>Deepening Our Understanding of the World of the Young Child</i></a><br /></b></span></div><p><span style="font-size: medium;">And some suggested further reading:<br />The New York Times - <i><b><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/07/parenting/holidays-stay-home-coronavirus.html?campaign_id=118&emc=edit_ptg_20201212&instance_id=24940&nl=nyt-parenting&regi_id=69740234&segment_id=46756&te=1&user_id=9ed85d73941686a418f8a1c6ead68580" target="_blank">Stay at Home Holiday</a>s</b><br /></i><br /><br /></span></p>Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-73560430470946197132020-08-05T17:47:00.003-07:002020-12-12T20:41:02.226-08:00Courage - its roots in family and community living<div><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;">This following words come from the quarterly journal of parent education published by the <i>Child Study Association of America.</i> It describes an upcoming conference sponsored by CSAA. My grandmother, Jennie L. Whitehill, was the Chair of the Board of CSAA for many years, including the time of this conference, March 1954. Nana Jennie would have been 113 years old today</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;">Child Study Association of America is long gone but the </span><span style="font-size: medium;">Program Statement of the CSAA Annual Conference of March 1, 1954 resounds loudly today, 66 years later.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><i><b>Courage - its roots in family and community living</b></i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><i>In all times, the community has counted on the courage of individual men and women to maintain significant beliefs and pursue common goals. Individuals in turn have looked to one another and to the community for mutual support.</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><i>Now, as the community widens to a whole world, and united action is demanded on a huge scale, the need for personal courage and strength becomes ever more urgent.</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><i>The scene we live in and the problems we face seem remote even from those of a generation ago, they are startlingly new and sometimes overwhelming. Many of the traditions which have sustained us are under attack, so that it sometimes seems that democracy itself is scarcely understood. In the stress of today’s living, family ties are loosened, men and women are lonely, parents are bewildered. It is no wonder courage often fails us.</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><i>Yet people throughout the world do carry on their daily lives with unbelievable courage, sustained by the tradition and knowledge and the aspirations which are their heritage from the past. They are heartened by the conviction that the great majority of their fellowmen share with them the task of finding new sources of strength to meet the demands of the day.</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><i>What is this quality of courage? What are its sources? How can parents preserve their own strengths and communicate them to their children? How can they keep their own integrity and sense of individual purpose in a world that calls for collective purpose and unified direction?</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><i>The aim of this Conference is to explore the nature of, and need for, courage in our time, drawing on the contributions of psychiatry, sociology, anthropology, education and religion to shed light on these questions. It is an attempt to determine the sources of courage within the family and within the community, and the ways in which this strength can be passed on to others, especially to children.</i></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">In these strange times we each need to find the courage and strength to move ourselves forward, courage that shines from our hearts and fills us with the strength of which we are in need. We can find the wellsprings of courage inside each one of us, and we can be inspired and strengthened by community members who are walking this path with us.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The late John Lewis said, ended his final essay with these words:</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: medium;"><i>I urge you to answer the highest calling of your heart and stand up for what you truly believe. In my life I have done all I can to demonstrate that the way of peace, the way of love and nonviolence is the more excellent way. Now it is your turn to let freedom ring.</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: medium;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: medium;"><i>When historians pick up their pens to write the story of the 21st century, let them say that it was your generation who laid down the heavy burdens of hate at last and that peace finally triumphed over violence, aggression and war. So I say to you, walk with the wind, brothers and sisters, and let the spirit of peace and the power of everlasting love be your guide.</i></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "helvetica neue"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 12px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p></div>Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-62849802925649302592020-06-05T15:27:00.001-07:002020-11-02T17:36:31.514-08:00This Struggle Must Succeed<div class="p1" style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;"><i>We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.</i> - Elie Weisel</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: large;">I am on the side of change! </span></span><span style="font-size: large;">As an early childhood educator, I consider as my primary task the creating of an environment in which people learn how to live together. We have to participate in moving toward a world where we can all live together, and as a white man I am connected with my own responsibility for participating in positive cultural evolution. It is up to me. And you. And everyone, especially if you are white. The problem is not a problem of darker skinned people. The problem is white people. I am part of the problem. And I can be part of the solution.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;">Sure, we are all in this together, regardless of the color or tone of skin we wear. And it is always the right time to help children recognize the humanness in others, it is always the time to stand as a boundary to protect children from physical harm, emotional harm and from ingesting beliefs that have lead to implicit biases about the worth of others.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;">We are all in this together and as adults we must stand up for equality, and equity, and we can speak out for justice.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;">Most of all, we can honestly look inside and try to discover any biases we have in our thinking and in our habits. It is there! It comes from our upbringing. It comes from the media we were ’exposed to’ as a younger person. It comes from hundreds of years of the reinforcing of systemic racism and oppression, both conscious and unconscious. It comes from the stories, and depictions of those stories that are so prevalent in our world. </span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;">We each have to find the tools that work for exploring and transforming our own implicit biases, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. There are many techniques but simply reading about implicit bias is not enough. Talking about it and writing blogs about it is not enough. This is seriously hard work that takes significant time and effort. The first action toward creating a better world for all is to look honestly and courageously inside ourselves and then do the hard work of undoing our own biases. Open-mindedness is also important because we only have our own perspective. Can we learn to hear someone's observations or even criticisms about us in an openminded way? There is no other way forward.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;">Only then can we truly begin to entertain thoughts of guiding young children away from racism and away from anti-blackism in various creative avenues. For this step, I always need to consider the particular child in front of me when determining what to say and how to say it. How much awareness and awakeness is present in this human being before me? But it is not a question of when to say it. When is the right time? The right time is the very moment when it comes up, when the child observes or says something in this now moment. </span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;">As educators of young children, we can guide the little ones into the possibility of less implicit bias. And we can do it in how we respond to things the children say and do. </span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="font-size: large;">1. Be awake to the moment with the young child! Young children are by nature curious. When a child opens the door to conversation by making observations about physical attributes such as skin color, hair texture, or any other physical characteristic, do not wait until 'later.' Not only are young children so strongly 'in the present moment,' later usually never comes. Have those conversations even if you do not feel prepared. Base your comments on observations, on what can be seen? Examples; "Yes, we all have different skin color." "I think it is so great that people have different colors and are not all the same.""People with skin like me are usually called 'White,' even though my skin isn't really white. </span><span style="font-size: large;">People with dark skin are often called'Black' even though their skin isn't really black."</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;">2. Take opportunities to highlight the value of engaging with people different than yourself. And always engage the child when he or she mentions something that attributes value to physical attributes. Do not let the opportunity slip by out of embarrassment or the hope that it will slip by unnoticed. The child WILL notice if he or she says something and you do not engage with them in that moment. This is how they discover our values - not by explaining things, but by being present to what is and engaging with it in the now.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;">3. Offer the child the example of your words and actions. This is how they learn and develop habits, values, and unconscious biases. When you hear unkind words or biased statements from others, say something. Call it out. I always advise these words as a simple and truthful reveal of what is my inner truth - "I don't like that." "I don't like talk like that."</span></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;">Of course, try and make "I statements" and don't say "I don't like it when <b>you</b> say...." That won't go well. If you state what is your inner truth about such things, the child may eventually begin to take up that practice through imitation.</span><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #181818;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="font-size: large;">4. Be sure the children have experiences of events celebrating other cultures. This is a great opportunity for questions to arise from children. Advise parents to take the opportunity to engage in honest observation-based conversation. Restaurants offering food from other cultures is another avenue into conversation.</span></span><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="color: #181818;"><span style="font-size: large;">5. Give your stories careful contemplation <b>before</b> you tell them. Consider the embedded messages in the stories, and find stories whose messages align with valuing all types of humanness.</span></span><span style="color: #181818; font-size: large;"> Story can be a powerful tool for behavioral and attitudinal change so we must carefully consider what are the stories we are telling our children. Find those stories that align with true human values, or write new stories.</span></span><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="color: #181818; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="color: #181818; font-size: large;">A systemic change in American society is needed. I do not have the big answers. I know that each one of us can make a difference if we start with ourselves and the people whose lives we have direct contact with.</span></span><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif" style="color: #181818; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="color: #181818; font-size: large;">All of my grandchildren are of mixed race and ethnicity. I want them to grow up in a better world. I want a better world for all the people of our shared planet. And so I ask you to join me in the hard work of self education and self transformation for the sake of all of our fellow humans.</span></span><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: arial;"><span face=""helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif"><span style="color: #181818; font-size: large;">We have to </span><span style="color: #181818; font-size: large;">learn </span><span style="color: #181818; font-size: large;">to listen to each others' experiences, we have to be open to honest evaluation of our efforts and we must continually refine our understanding in this struggle to make this a better place. </span><span style="color: #181818; font-size: large;">This is a struggle that must succeed.</span></span><br /></span>
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</span>Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-55283414423336844212020-03-16T16:13:00.002-07:002020-12-12T20:42:23.546-08:00Fear, Our Young Children and COVID-19<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">What do we <i>DO</i> now? </span><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />
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<span>We have young children, or are caregivers for young children and w</span><span>e are in the midst of a world pandemic. Everything is changing so quickly in our world. Information travels so quickly - yet we have no way to gauge the truth of the information we receive. Much of the so-called information is misleading or false and sometimes even dangerous. We want to take the advice of the “experts” but who are the experts and who are the misinformation purveyors?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>This can only lead to fear and anxiety for us. Fear breeds more fear. Unfortunately, in the U.S.A. we have not been guided by wise actions taken by the government to keep us safe. Finally they are waking up and starting to take action. This has not helped to stem the rise of fear, panic and hoarding. Many people feel un-empowered and unable to know what to do. I would like to offer some suggestions for staying calm and making the wisest choices we can. We don’t have to be invaded and occupied by worry, and we can take actions to keep ourselves safe and healthy as best we can. The best things we can do is to find ways to manage our own stress, fears and anxiety. Then our personal choices during this crisis can be grounded in thoughtfulness and compassion.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>Before the advent of this novel coronavirus, adults had plenty to worry about. Anxiety lives in adults because there is so lack of things to be anxious about. The climate on our planet is rapidly changing and it seems like nothing is being done to change that course or adapt to the results. People are becoming more allergic to foods and environmental situations. Also, our world is filled with people who use fear as a tool to get us to buy certain products, to vote for certain candidates, and various other intentions. Anxiety and fear permeate all types of media. And we carry around a device that lets us be constantly connected to media. Our neurology is primed to look for threats and danger, and fear is used as a tool that gets our attention in media. Stress is lurking everywhere.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>We all know that the young child is like a sponge for experiences in his or her environment. All levels of sensed experience go deeply in to the child’s developing soul and body. And the young child has the capacity for sensing levels of experience that most adults have long since filtered out from their palette of experience such as feelings and thoughts of those around them. Young children are a sponge also for your feelings and what you think about. And they attempt to digest all of their experiences and make them a part of themselves as they create themselves. This what Maria Montessori named the <i>absorbent mind.</i></span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>Adults are causing health issues in themselves from all the worrying and tension. Fear, worry, and tension release cortisol and other stress hormones to help us be ready for quick actions. But we are constantly flooding our bodies because our sympathetic nervous systems are overactive. The children are growing up in an environment filled with our anxiety. The children sense our anxiety, even when we are not speaking about it, and even when you are not even aware that you are feeling your anxieties.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>Three things happen to the children?</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<li class="li2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>They adopt anxiety as their normal state, as the default mode.</span></span></span></li>
<li class="li2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>They cannot truly connect with other people including their anxious parents and caregivers. (Anxious parents and caregivers also are not able to truly connect.)</span></span></span></li>
<li class="li2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>They cannot develop to their full potential.</span></span></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>Young children learn by imitating. They take in what they experience and make it part of themselves. Experiencing anxiety in their beloved adults, the child learns to be anxious.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>When someone is fearful or anxious, they cannot connect with those around them. Fear stimulates the reptile brain to take actions of self protection. Fear creates reactions that don’t include reaching out with openness and care to those around. So the child loses out on connection with his anxious parent.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>When the adults in the environment are anxious and fearful, the young child experiences that tension and lives within it. How much effect does this have on the child's capacity for play, the young child’s essential tool for grasping the world? One can contemplate the possibilities. Fear interferes with play. True play can be a means to overcome fears and grasp the world. Play serves as a venue for learning to cope with life. There is a vicious cycle at work here.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>To play requires an atmosphere of security. One has to feel safe. No safety, no play. No play, no grasping of social dynamic. In play, we are safe and so we can be vulnerable.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>To top it off, the advice we are all receiving to slow the spread of COVID-19 is that social distancing is what is needed. The danger is that we combine emotional distancing with physical distancing and make our world more and more dis-connected.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>What are we gonna do?</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<li class="li2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>Develop our own practice of anxiety and fear reduction. A practice means it is something we have to do over and over. And over and over. Every day, except when we forget. At the same time every day, so it can become a habit, and that makes it easier to do every day. For at least a few minutes. And it’s a <i>practice,</i> so we don’t expect to be perfect, we only are trying to do better and better. Find your own way toward joy! I recommend watching this short video from Rick Hanson about what is needed in this present moment. <span class="s2" style="color: #000087; font-kerning: none;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wea__XOf-BY">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wea__XOf-BY</a></span></span></span></span></li>
<li class="li2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>What is the best practice? That is up to each of us to discover. There is no one-size-fits-all recipe. The best one for you is the one that you actually do that helps you to reduce fear and be able to make your inner life a safe have for peacefulness and calm, and to be able to access your parasympathetic nervous system to calm your vagus nerve. My go to for help with this are various meditations Rudolf Steiner offered, as well as the wise guidance of Rick Hanson (</span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.rickhanson.net/)">https://www.rickhanson.net/)</a></span></span></li>
<li class="li2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>It might be a good idea to limit how much time we spend on our devices plugged in to the anxiety creating media, and what times of day we do that plugging in. Perhaps make a commitment to leave off all devices during mealtimes? Perhaps don’t check your phone right before bed? Or first thing upon waking up in the morning? How often do you need to see if there are any updates about the virus? Remember, all the time you spend online is time not connecting with your children.</span></span></span></li>
<li class="li2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>Prepare to answer your young children when they ask why is there no kindergarten, what are we staying home, what can’t I have a playdate? The core truth I would say to my young children is; <i>I want us to be safe and healthy.</i> <i>There is a virus/flu/sickness that can be serious for grownup and I don’t want anyone we know to be sick</i>. Short, true and to the point.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></span></li>
<li class="li2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span><span class="Apple-converted-space">You are probably staying at home a lot now. Take this as a great opportunity to enjoy being with your children!</span></span></span></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>Anxiety is not healthy for you! It gets in the way of sleep, it influences your digestion and it affects your connection with those you love.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>Your anxiety is not healthy for your children. It gets in the way of their connection with you, it affects all aspects of their development, and it creates anxious little people.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>Maybe now is the time to start working to overcome the anxiety of the modern world for the sake of the children, the future of our world.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>I would like to offer a thought from Rudolf Steiner 100 years ago. He was speaking about the 1918 Spanish Flu but it more than applies today:</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><i>When you can't think of anything else other than fear of the diseases that are taking place around you in an epidemic, and go to sleep at night with these thoughts of fear, then unconscious after-images and imaginations - imbued with fear - are created in the soul. And this is a good seedbed in which pathogenic germs can nestle, thrive and find a pleasant breeding ground.</i></span><span class="s3" style="background-color: white; font-kerning: none;"><br /></span><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">We can meet the false rumors and worries and not let them invade our psyches. We can meet fear head on with our warmth, love, interest, enthusiasm and compassion. What is the present moment asking of us? I think it is a call to inner work to be able to place our attention on what we choose. It is a moment to develop the capacity to make choices based on reasoned wisdom and not fear. It is a call for compassionate community. And it is an opportunity to develop active hope for positive change based on our thought-filled actions. We can work together for the good.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>We have a lot of work to do. it is up to each one of us. The only obstacle is ourselves.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none; font-size: medium;"><span>Take what actions you can to make your family as safe as is possible. And do the work to keep fear from invading the inner sanctum of your soul.</span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: medium;">
</span></span>Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-30312879261927091342019-11-28T08:18:00.001-08:002021-12-01T19:27:21.619-08:00Connecting With the Elements<style type="text/css">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The essence of being human is the activity of connecting - connecting on so many levels. In the weeks before the Winter Solstice, we can take the opportunity to reflect on how we are connected to all that is around us. This interconnectedness is so wide and deep - we rarely take the time to contemplate the web of which we are a part. At this time of year, I invite you to take stock of our relationship to the Earth and the kingdoms of nature in various ways - Intellectually, for the adults, and metaphorically/symbolically for the young children.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">In our time, it is clear that in general, people are only dimly aware of the web of life, and we can recognize this in the diminishing biodiversity of our planet that is related to the activities of humans, a major factor in the Earth’s changing climate. I want to inspire people to find creative approaches in which the interweaving of the kingdoms of nature can be highlighted during these weeks leading up to the Garden of Light and Solstice in ways that the children can best digest them.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">One way is to create a conscious path of four weeks leading to the Garden of Light, four weeks of connecting to the 4 elements. In the first week, we can take stock of the element of <b>Earth</b>. We can honor that we are made of the same substance as all life on earth, and can learn to nurture and respect our planet and the matter out of which the <b>physical body</b> is formed. On early childhood nature tables, we can have stones and crystals, as well as representations of the plants and animals that live on earth, especially representations of endangered species - but without drawing the intellect of the young child to those. Simply place a wooden carved rhino or elephant or orangutan on the nature table among the stones and crystals and plants you have chosen. There is no need for explaining or describing. As adults, we can add to this, in our own silent thinking, thoughts of care and sadness for the animals who have been driven from their indigenous homes because of the perceived needs of human beings, and thoughts of gratitude and love for the animals that we eat (if we are not vegan) and recognize that in most cases these farmed animals are not treated with love, care and respect.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">In the second week, we can contemplate the element of <b>water</b>. Water is life for human beings, and for all life forms! We can add a bowl of water that has special meaning for us to our nature tables. Maybe it is water from Mt. Shasta, from the Ganga river, or from a special stream or spring we are familiar with. The adults can remember the great oceans of our planet out of which animal life sprang millions of years ago. We can be mindful of the cleansing nature of water - from our own cleansing tears, to the rains that cleanse the lands clean by washing trash into our streams and rivers and eventually out to the oceans. We can think about the creatures of the sea, from the tiniest plankton to the massive whales, whale sharks and rays. We can stop to consider the effects of human activity on the entire food chain of the oceans, and even the effects on the waters of the oceans themselves. We can also consider that water can be representative of <b>life energy (</b>or qi or prana or etheric). There is reality of flowing liquid in our body - the blood and lymph, and even the most prominent ingredient of our cells - water. Humans are made up of more water than any other substance.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">For the third week, we can consider our relationship with <b>air</b>. Air is what we breathe and joins us to the carbon/oxygen cycle with all plant life. Through the breathing process of humans and other mammals, we join with all plant life in an exchange that to each os life giving. As mammals, we utilize the oxygen present in air that is ‘exhaled’ by plants, and we in turn off carbon, a waste product for us, as an important nutrient for plant life. Additionally, there are many types of creatures that use the air as their medium of travel, from the tiniest of insects to the great birds of our world. Can we think of all those creatures of the air who are responsible for pollination and without which we would have a lack of fruits and other edible plant materials. Air is the element of relating. We must begin to recognize that all species of life on earth are dependent on each other, and find ways to share that picture in approaches that suit the developmental capacities of the children. We breathe our environment in and out. We breathe in ideas, experiences and each other. It is the realm of our sentience and of our thinking. It is the realm of that part of the human being so connected to the cosmos, the astral world - the human<b> soul - </b>where both thinking and feeling reside.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">And for the last week, we can consider the nature of <b>fire</b>. We can think of the element of fire as the realm within which we share warmth and love and joy. Fire is energy. Fire lives in the core of each human being, it is the fire of the human spirit. And fire is connected to the will. Or perhaps it is even will itself! The fire in our will is initiative and the energy to do and to complete projects. The energy to take hold of the present, to take hold of oneself and make the changes that one decides are necessary. Fire is the energy for transformation of which we are in need -individually, and collectively as we face the challenges of our world. Fire is one form of light. Light carries the wisdom of the universe, if only we can begin to listen. Plants transform the light they receive into a substance needed for life - chlorophyll. Humans can transform light into vitamin D. On another level, humans can receive the light of the cosmos, the wisdom of the stars, and transform it into selfless deeds done out of love, the love that is for all that is around us. Our own inner light allows us to reflect on our deepest and truest self, and to begin to redeem our relationships with others, to redeem the deeds we have done and words we have spoken that we regret, and to offer and ask for true forgiveness.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">From another angle, we can consider the warmth, the fire, of the sun. It warms the earth, warming the water that has settled onto the earth. This warming process creates evaporation - water traveling through the air. When there is sufficient mass of water, it falls to the earth as rain or snow. We can thereby witness in our imagination another beautiful cycle of life on this planet as the four elements interact in support of life. How have we as human beings interfered and even damaged this process of the water cycle?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">We can also see a direct interaction of mammals and plants. Plants take in carbon and breathe out oxygen. Humans and all mammals take in the oxygen and exhale carbon. One kingdom’s waste is another kingdom’s gold!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">As adults, this can be a time to take stock of our relationship with the Earth, Water, Fire, Air, Climate, Biodiversity and the Web of Life, and to resolve to do better in the coming year. And as adults, we can plant and nurture imaginative seeds that can flourish as the young children grow and become the adults of the future who will help bring the world back into balance. If we truly understand what we as early childhood educators are doing, we can recognize the immense responsibility we bear.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">For those of you engaged with groups of young children, these weeks of thoughtful imagining can culminate in the ritual experience of the Garden of Light (ideally as close to December 21 as possible) that is enhanced by this preparatory work. And your Garden of Light can be a beacon of inclusive welcoming for all to participate in the process of connecting when we cognize the underlying elemental aspects of our existence, and attach it to the tangible experience of the Solstice. The Winter Solstice is the shortest day of the year, and soon after we notice the annual return of the light. The <b>Light.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">These experiences are universal, it is the same for all human beings regardless of their religious leanings and traditions. This is what brings us together.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><b><i><span style="font-size: large;">May you be open to receiving the light and transform it into deeds of love!</span></i></b></span></div>
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<br />Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-64743972534852346042019-04-09T19:36:00.003-07:002019-04-09T19:36:57.652-07:00Are you struggling with your young children?<div style="background-color: white; color: #606060; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.5px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; padding: 0px; text-size-adjust: 100%;">
<span style="font-size: 18px;"><strong><span style="color: purple;">CONSCIOUS PARENTING/CREATIVE DISCIPLINE FOR YOUNG CHILDREN<br />A Workshop for Parents and Teachers with Steve Spitalny</span></strong><br />Saturday, May 11<br />10am to 3pm<br />at the Santa Cruz Waldorf School<br /><br />Have you been struggling in your life with young children? What happens when they don't do what you want or what you tell them to? Are you ready for some changes?<br /><br />Discover the needs of the young child (Birth through 7 years) through an understanding of physical, mental and emotional development. Steve offers four basic and easy to understand principles that will give us a compass for finding better practices of deeper connecting with the children. The workshop will include tips on resolving conflicts when your child doesn’t do what you want, as well as ways to stay calm in the face of the storms that arise. Come on a journey into the world of the young child and learn to weave a fabric of trust and safety!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="color: #606060;">Early childhood consultant and author Steve Spitalny has been a kindergarten teacher at the Santa Cruz Waldorf School for nearly 30 years. Since the mid-1990's, he has given workshops, lectures and courses on many themes for various institutions and groups across the world. He is faculty member at </span><span style="color: black;"><a href="http://waldorfteaching.org/waldorf_institute_faculty.shtml" style="overflow-wrap: break-word; text-size-adjust: 100%;">WISC (Waldorf Institute of Southern California)</a>. Steve is a former Board member of </span><span style="color: #606060;">WECAN (Waldorf Early Childhood Association of North America) as well as former editor of </span><em style="color: #606060;">Gateways</em><span style="color: #606060;">, the bi-annual newsletter of WECAN. His many articles have been widely published. Steve has written 3 books about young children.</span><br /><br /><strong style="color: #606060;"><em><a href="http://www.chamakanda.com/" style="color: #6dc6dd; font-weight: normal; overflow-wrap: break-word; text-size-adjust: 100%;" target="_blank"><span style="color: purple;">www.chamakanda.com</span></a></em></strong><br /><br /><span style="color: #606060;">Bring your own lunch!</span><br /><br /><a href="https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4211287" style="color: #606060;" target="_blank">$50 - $100 sliding scale per individual or couple</a></span><a href="https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4211287" style="color: #606060;" target="_blank">Registration:https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/4211287</a></div>
Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-904632623058434932019-03-04T18:52:00.000-08:002019-03-05T18:01:25.441-08:00What's the Deal About Boundaries?<style type="text/css">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">All around the globe it seems parent issues are the same. Being a parent of a young child can be a challenge, especially if you are not equipped in advance (who is, anyway?). The question often comes down to what boundaries are best for you and your child, and how to deliver those boundaries.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What is a boundary? In this context, a boundary is a limit on some activity. So why would we want to put any limits on our children? If you were walking down the sidewalk with your child and she suddenly was going to jump out into the street, you would want to prevent that. That physical safety boundary for your own child is an important boundary that all parents want for their child.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Boundaries can give a child a sense of security, and sense of being guided and cared for by their parent, and can give an opportunity for self-discovery. <i>I find myself at the boundaries.</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">To me, equally important are boundaries making other children safe, both physically and emotionally. As parents, I think it is our responsibility to help our child to be with others in as much of an atmosphere of safety as is possible. And if we want to bring boundaries in a way that sticks, we have to understand several features of the young child.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">1. The primary way young children learn is by imitating. They copy the example of others. If we want a young child to change a behavior, we have to give the example of the new habit we want to (eventually) see.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">2. To learn something, everyone has to do it for themselves. That means we have to lead our horses to water, so that they can drink for themselves.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">3. The young child is a creature of habit. As adults, much of our time is spent in habitual activity, perhaps upwards of 40% of our waking time. The young child even more so.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">4. How we speak to the child can either support an environment of trust, or become an obstacle to connection.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">With the young child, as with all humans, trust develops based on experience, the experience of needs being fulfilled, particularly the needs for safety and connection. Human connection gives us the feeling of being loved and being understood.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Here's an example:</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">A child is playing with a toy and your child notices. She goes over to the child, grabs hold of the toy, and pulls. She knocks the other child down (you can never be sure about intention, so don't assume) and ends up with the toy.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">In my experience with these types of interactions, a common response from the child’s parent is:</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“It’s bad to take things from others.” Or, “That was not appropriate. How would you feel if he did that to you?”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">This type of response is somewhere along the spectrum of punishment. Check for yourself. What your child did needs to be corrected, to correct we must scold at least. Perhaps a time-out or a spanking is in order?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When we meet our child’s behavior with any sort of feeling that what she did was wrong or bad, she can feel it even before we speak a word, even before our foot starts tapping and our pointer finger starts waggling. As soon as she senses our “attack,” she shuts down her higher neurological functioning and the reptile brain is in command. The options for a reptile brain response are fight, flight or freeze. Learning a new method is not one of the options when the reptile brain engages. When the reptile brain is engaged, there can be no connection with your child. They are in a defensive mode.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Here are some suggested options, some possible script lines for you:</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“It’s his turn now. Your turn is next.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“He doesn’t like toys to be taken from him.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“I don’t like when things are taken without asking.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The first step, though, is an inner step for you, the adult. It is to reframe the situation so feelings of wrongness and blame are not coming toward your child from you. To get there, you have to understand that your child has a habit of taking to get what she wants. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with that because it usually is successful, and we can also understand the habit arose out of a strategy to get what she wants.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>But the other child does not feel safe, and, in fact, is not safe.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">How do we create an environment with healthy boundaries? We as adults can take actions that create an environment where there is more and more safety for the children with each other by<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>working on the habit life of the young children.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes things unfold in a way we didn’t want, sometimes our child does something we don’t like. When we interact with our child in these situations without judging and blaming the child, with openness to creative solutions, then we weave a fabric of trust and connection between us and our child!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I think one of the secrets of parenting - or being a human being - is not to take things personally, not to frame the world into fault and blame and judgment. One can take up as a practice learning how to try on others’ perspectives, trying to see into what needs they are trying to meet. Then it is easier to stay calm and try to find an effective solution to the challenge at hand.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>As adults, I think it is our job to help our child be able to interact with other children so that the other child feels safe with our child. It is our job to teach boundaries for safe social interaction!</i></b></span></span></div>
<br />Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-66741184090982829572018-11-19T09:23:00.000-08:002019-11-24T08:36:25.636-08:007 Tips for Your Child this Holiday Season - and one bonus suggestion<style type="text/css">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">As we approach the end of November, thoughts turn toward holiday times and family. For some reasons, this is the time of year when extended family meal gatherings and gift giving has become the norm.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What about the young children? How can we support their needs during this time of year?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I would like to offer seven suggestions about how to make this time of year, which can become hectic and full of stress, a more supportive experience for your young child, and for you.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">1. Find ways to engage your child in preparing food, in cooking. Involve the child to the extent of their abilities in cutting and mixing, stirring and pouring. Being part of the process will also help them to become more adventurous eaters.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1">2. If your family has a gift-giving tradition, figure out some things your children can </span><span class="s2"><b>make<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></b></span><span class="s1"> as gifts. As a grandparent, I can tell you that a gift made by a grandchild is so much more valuable to me than any store bought item. Children can make gifts for each other, gifts for the parent who isn’t home at the time the gift is being made, gifts for the postal delivery person, etc....And food gifts are a wonderful way to go. (See #1 above) And if you give gifts to your child, consider that less is more. Giving a pile of gifts makes each individual gift lose value in the bigger scheme of things. The best things in life aren't things!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">3. Maintain your child’s daily routine during holiday times as much as is possible. When you feel the need to go to the mall, find someone to be at home with your child so they don’t have to experience the overstimulation, the frantic rushing, and what always ends up as staying there too late. All young children do better in every way when their mealtimes and sleep times come at consistent times in the day. And let’s not forget that home cooked meals are more nutritious than any type of fast food you can get while in the rush of shopping.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">4. Consider how much training you want to give your child in becoming a member of consumer culture. Remember that young children learn by <b>imitation,</b> and habits that are learned at a young age are deeply imprinted and are hard to change. What about developing a family culture of making gifts. You know all those tools gathering dust in your garage, use them to make a wonderful wooden chest or shelf. And the sewing machine you got a few years ago, try it out! Make a simple quilt or doll clothes. Knitting a scarf or hat doesn’t take very long if you dust off those skills.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> Another idea is to develop a family tradition of attending a performance or concert together as a sort of gift to each other. Shared experiences at holiday times become especially warm memories.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">5. Try not to use the screen to occupy your child while you are otherwise busy. Your child’s brain will thank you for it.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">6. Remember that as an adult, your senses have developed filters to minimize overstimulation. Your child does not have those filters yet and their senses are more sensitive than yours. Try and be conscious of volume levels and how much overall stimulation is going on around your child.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1">7. One amazing way to connect with your child at any time of year is through stories. Tell stories to your child. Read stories to your child. And maybe start a holiday tradition of giving </span><span class="s2"><b>one</b></span><span class="s1"> special book to your child.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Bonus: I would like to offer one more holiday season tip, and this is for the adults. We adults need to have tools for maintaining calm and centered-ness when chaos and hectic-ness are all around. <a href="https://www.thefoundationsofwellbeing.com/affiliate/3728/well-being-checkup" target="_blank">Rick Hanson</a> is a teacher whom I deeply respect. His ideas and practices can help you get a sense for your own well being, and find ways to feel more safety, satisfaction and connection in your life. <a href="https://www.thefoundationsofwellbeing.com/affiliate/3728/well-being-checkup" target="_blank">Watch this video for more info....</a></span></span></div>
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<br />Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-39636025125858039412018-04-06T09:35:00.000-07:002018-06-09T03:42:43.760-07:00Practical Love<style type="text/css">
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: large;">What? Practical Love? Can love be practical? Let me explain.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The <b><span style="color: blue;">main</span></b> thing is that we <span style="color: blue;"><b>exercise</b></span> a process of transforming wisdom we have gleaned into actions coming from loving intentions.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I think the universal question with raising young children, whether as a parent or teacher, is how to serve the true developmental and individual needs of the child, of each and every child.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">To me this is practical love. We can pour out love toward the children, and provide what they truly need. There are various ways to consider basic needs. One list includes safety and connection (love). David Richo puts 5 A’s on his list. These are Attention, Acknowledgment, Affection, Appreciation, and Approval. When these needs are provided, the child feels that healthy sense of attachment that is so necessary for a young child. The parents in delivering these needs to the young child create a a fabric of trust which is named <i>love. </i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">With the young child, I keep in mind the following wisdom principles which I have gleaned from my life’s work. These four principles inform all I do with the young children, and I have written about them numerous times already.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">1. All learning, all development of new skills and capacities, at any age, is based on the will. What is the will but that inner force that moves us, consciously or not, toward goals? We all have a will nature, but in the young child we see a being who is primarily will oriented. Their thinking life is not awake yet.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">2. The principle by which the young child learns is imitation. All ‘teaching’ for young children needs to be based on the principle of example and imitation.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">3. The neurology of the young child is very different than that of an adult. If we look to the pre-frontal cortex, the home of all “executive functioning,” we see that it is still developing into the late 20’s of one’s life. In the young child it is merely a seed!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">4. The experience of self that we, as adults, take for granted, is also just in seed form and is little developed in the young child.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">These 4 principles must inform all that we do in relation to young child. To me, that is how we make love practical. Love is not a power that requires another to obey. “Spare the rod, spoil the child,” is not effective. And it teaches the child to use force to get what he wants. (Remember the principle of imitation?)</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Equally ineffective is a sentimental loving that engages the young child in decision-making, and ends up putting the child in charge.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Practical love says to listen to the needs of the child. Listen through hearing what he wants, into his core of true need. Try, “It looks like you had fun visiting that kindergarten,”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>instead of, “Honey, which kindergarten school do you want to attend?” Or, “Are you ready to move into kindergarten and out of pre-school.?” Or, “Should we put our extra money into savings or splurge on a big trip?” </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Observe your child, listen to what he says without asking a lot of questions. Then as best you can, intuit what to do. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes the children may not be happy with our decisions that affect them. Sometimes life dishes up challenges for adults too. Resilience is developed by moving through moments of not getting what is wanted, and by moving through sadness and even anger. Many of us parents and teachers want the children to be happy all the time. So we do whatever is necessary to get them to that happy place. Perhaps the adults think - ‘if the child is not happy, he won’t like me anymore.’</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">This is not a practical way to live life for an adult. This is not practical love of an adult for the young child.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Please consider these principles, and see if you can incorporate them into your life with young children. This is a path of practical love. Not sentimental not superficial. This is deep love that leads to actions based on insight. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Think about it. Consider if you want to make these thoughts guide your actions. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Let me know what you think.</span></span></div>
<br />Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-56817980435779853472018-02-20T11:09:00.000-08:002019-03-09T12:10:42.888-08:00What are the Consequences?<style type="text/css">
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: large;">Recently I have heard adults saying, “I don’t punish my child. I give consequences.” </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: large;">When I ask what is meant by that, I hear ‘If they don’t do what I tell them, they don’t get the ice cream I said we would get,’ or ‘they don’t get to go to the park,’ or, or, or...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Let’s start off with some clarity and honesty here - ‘consequences’ is another way to say ‘punishment.’ When you take away something from the child based on the child's behavior, that is a form of punishment.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The ancient principle is: Someone does something ‘wrong’ and therefore must receive punishment so they don’t do it again. Punishment takes many forms but all are based on this principle of retribution.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">1. When you have the attitude a child did something ‘bad’ and ‘wrong,’ even if you don’t speak a word to the child, it is punishment.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">2. When you scold a child and use words like ‘shouldn’t have,’ ‘bad,’ ‘wrong,’ and ‘not appropriate,’ it is punishment.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">3. When you withhold something a child wants based on the child's not doing what <i>you</i> want, it is punishment.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">4. When you put a child on ‘time out’ it is punishment.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">5. When you hit a child it is punishment<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Okay, often adults observe young children behave in ways the adult does not like, and the adult wants the child to act or speak differently. This is a given, it will happen.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: large;">I think the adult goes astray when any of the above 5 types of punishment are taken up. And I’ll tell you why.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When we use any form of punishment, we are teaching the young child to punish others when he doesn’t get what he wants. Young children learn by imitating our example.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When we use any of the forms of punishment, the child experiences it as an attack. We are a danger for the child in those moments. When someone experiences danger, the ancient part of the brain, the survival system AKA the Reptile Brain, takes over. Learning does not take place in this part of our neurology. This is the irony; we want the child to learn to do something different, and yet we force the child to use a part of the neurology that does not learn. Learning takes place in the more advanced parts of the brain, particularly the Limbic System.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The young child wants what he wants, just like you and me. He tries to get what he wants and needs by various strategies. Repeated use of those strategies becomes the child’s habit. Why? Because those strategies are discovered to be successful. The strategies are successful in relation to us, their adults!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Let’s reframe this. Instead of thinking the child is ‘bad and ‘wrong’ and that what he did he ‘shouldn’t have’ because it is ‘not appropriate,’ try to look at what he did as a strategy and these strategies often become habit. Then we can try to offer different habits that are more in line with what we want.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Truly, we use those judgmental words when something happens that we don’t like. That is the central truth of the situation. I don’t like hitting, I don’t like food to be thrown, I don’t like the dog’s ear to be pulled (the dog doesn’t like it either), and so on. Let’s bring to the child’s attention something that is the truth of the situation - do I like what just happened?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Then we can try to offer a different action for the child to imitate. With our actions and words. Over and over for days in a row until the child begins to try out the new strategy we have offered. There is no sense getting frustrated or impatient because it has taken many days and still no change, Changing habits takes time (for us too).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What are the consequences of consequences?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">1. Damage to your connection with your child. It is hard to trust and feel safe with sometimes dangerous Y...O...U.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">2. Your child adopting the technique of punishing to get what he wants. Imitation is how the young child learns.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">3. Perpetuating the Blaming/Fault-finding/Shaming system that permeates our world. </span></span><span style="font-size: large;">Imitation is how the young child learns.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When we understand the actual consequences of our own actions, we can begin to reframe the way we think and offer the young child a new behavior in the modality in which they can best learn. We offer the example for imitation based on the understanding that the child is simply attempting to fulfill wants and needs.</span></span></div>
<br />Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-58712566864314849202017-12-07T08:39:00.000-08:002017-12-07T08:40:08.083-08:00What a Wonderful World<style type="text/css">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I often think about what our young children need. And I sometimes consider the world that they are growing up in, and I can get sad or even depressed sometimes.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What young children truly need is a feeling that their world is safe and good. “I am safe. I am protected. I feel the warmth of love from those around me.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">That is what is <b>needed</b> so they can be relaxed in their environment of home, of kindergarten, of family. When they feel that safe, warm, relaxed feeling many things become possible. Growth requires warmth (just think, you put the leftovers in the cold refrigerator so nothing grows on them), and relaxing into true creative play requires feeling safe. Play is an essential activity for a growing brain.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Yet we adults know that our world is a messy and sometimes scary place where sometimes good does not prevail. We know that sometimes people are not safe, and some places are not so safe. We worry about the situation for peoples in various parts of the world. We notice that our earth is not being protected and respected. We may think governments are sliding back from past progress in various areas, that things are getting worse.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Being compassionate and empathetic can lead us down, and down, into melancholia.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Our children are listening, and watching, and sensing what we are feeling. "Little pitchers have big ears." So how do we not share our despair and sadness about the state of the world with them. What can we do to uplift ourselves and radiate some joy.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">It is about our inner practices. We each have to find ways to connect with the good, to overcome the sadness and to find gratitude for what we have and what is around us.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I was playing music (a great antidote for despair) and suddenly really became aware of the words of a song I was working on. I realized this song is a powerful mantra for gratitude, for joy and<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>for connecting with the future arc of the children’s lives. So this holiday season, I offer it for you as well. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">This song was first made famous by Louis Armstrong. Armstrong was a unique performer - he had an unusual voice which he used to improvise songs and he excelled at scat singing. His improvisational trumpet playing was a new element in the music of his time. He stands out as a very individualistic musician. One-of-a-kind!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The song was first recorded in 1967 by Louis Armstrong and became a huge hit, It has since been performed by many musicians and has maintained its popularity 50 years later. <i>What a Wonderful World</i> was written by Bob Thiele (as George Douglas) and George David Weiss.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span class="s2">I </span><span class="s1">see trees of green, red roses too</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>I see them bloom for me and you</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>And I think to myself what a wonderful world.</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>I see skies of blue and clouds of white</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>And I think to myself what a wonderful world.</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Are also on the faces of people going by</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>They're really saying I love you.</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>I hear babies crying, I watch them grow</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>They'll learn much more than I'll never know</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>And I think to myself what a wonderful world,</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.</b></i></span></span></div>
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Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-26075964699414442102017-11-20T20:34:00.002-08:002017-11-21T09:14:49.722-08:00It's a holiday season again<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">This is a rewrite of a post from a couple of years ago that I think is just right for now, the end of November, 2017. Halloween has passed, and I am guessing many people are gearing up for a coming holiday season. Many family traditions involve celebrations and holidays in the winter months. Thanksgiving comes at the end of November. This year Diwali was in October. Many families celebrate St. Nicholas on December 6. In 2017, Hanukkah starts the evening of December 12, the same day many families celebrate the Virgin of Guadelupe. Yule is celebrated on the Solstice, December 21. Many families celebrate Christmas December 25, and the four weeks of Advent that lead up to it. Kwanzaa starts December 26.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">One thing these Festivals have in common is that they celebrate light in a time of year in the Northern Hemisphere when the days are shorter and shorter. These celebrations have gatherings of families and friends, sharing food together and in some traditions gifts are exchanged.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What does your young child really need this holiday season?<br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Let’s start out with what your child does not need.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">She doesn’t need the new <i>Smartwatch.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s2">Your toddler can thrive without </span><span class="s1"><i>iPad Multimedia Learning Tablet</i></span><span class="s3"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1">He and she both will be healthier without a </span><span class="s2"><i>Game Boy</i> or Disney Princess Doll.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">He can do without a <i>Drone Camera</i> (even if you really want it).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">It is not toys and gifts that your child needs. Your child most need you to truly connect with her. There are some things that <i>Only You </i>can offer to your child.<i> </i>It isn’t stuff that is the real need - it is the fabric of a connected life. Connected to family and family traditions, to nature and the seasons, and connected to herself. The example of connecting the adults offer is the style of connecting imitated by the child. It is up to you to show the path to connecting in the holiday season.<br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">It is you that your child most needs. You, the parent available, present and connecting. You are your child’s guide in this life on earth, and you are her example of how to live. To me, holidays are an opportunity to develop and nurture traditions of connecting with each other. And I’d like to share some specific suggestions.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What are the foods that are important to you as part of your family holiday? Do you have the same foods every year on that holiday? That is something that makes memories and helps your child have direct experiences of the cycle of the year.<br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When I think of foods, I try to think how the child can engage in the preparation of those foods. Can he help cut up the vegetables? Can she pour in the ingredients for the sauces? Can you knead the dough together? Be a creative cook and create ways for your young child to help prepare the food. Food preparation is a social gesture of service. Encourage your child in this way. One tip though - plan for the extra time that these young helpers will add to your prep time.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Another aspect of food is that you can make food together for other people as gifts. Grandma would love some pumpkin bread you made for her. Uncle Joe would be grateful for a batch of chocolate chip cookies. And don’t forget the mail delivery person and your health care professionals. A gift of food is a gift of love!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">There are many other types of simple gifts you can make together with your children, the internet is littered with ideas for them. You can help your child to create gifts for siblings and other relatives. It is a wonderful sea change when you can shift your family culture from gift-getting to gift-giving! And you have created this opportunity for spending time together engaged on behalf of another person. Incredible!<br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What about singing together? My fondest elementary school memory is the weeks leading up to Winter Break each year. The school would open a half hour early for those who wanted, and the halls were full of teachers and children singing together songs from various religions and traditions. You can create this on a smaller scale and sing at home, maybe after dinner each evening, or in the car. “Of course,” you say. “That’s a great idea but I can’t sing.” The secret is, your child is NOT a critic. She will be a joyous participant in song with you and you will even discover it is FUN.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">How about arranging for some friends and families to get together and walk around a neighborhood knocking on doors and offering songs? Caroling is great fun and you can even meet your neighbors. The possibilities are infinite.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Maybe you can have a special family outing to a special performance. Perhaps there is an annual artistic or musical performance in your area that you can make part of your family annual tradition, and each year make sure to return as a family in your fancy outing clothes. In my area, El Teatro Campesino presents theatrical productions and every other year they offer a version of the story of ‘Our Lady of Guadalupe’ they call “La Virgen del Tepeyac.” For my younger daughters, and now my granddaughter, it is our family tradition to head down to San Juan Bautista and enjoy the pageant (it’s really an amazing show) of the meeting of the indigenous Central American culture with the Spanish colonialists. </span></span></div>
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If giving gifts is important to you, I suggest a limit on the amount. Wisely choose the one gift that is just right for the child, and one that she will enjoy and treasure. Gifts made by you are extra special. <br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">A gift that is something for the child to do, or make, is a great way to go. How about a tool box or sewing kit and some supplies to go along with it. And then be sure to make something yourself with your supplies and tools, and your child will learn by imitating you (because imitation is how the young child learns).</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What about one special book as a gift? You can create your own tradition and each year, for a birthday or a holiday gift, choose one book that you think will mean something for your child. And then after he receives the book, read it to him again and again.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Oh...don’t forget to limit your own use of electronic devices so they are not an obstacle to connecting with your child. Have some electronic free time, and make the time to use your smart phone when your child is asleep, or otherwise engaged and you are elsewhere. Be smarter than your smart phone.<br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The best present for your child is your presence. True connecting with your young child takes some active will on your part to overcome the habits our consumer culture has created. It’s worth the effort.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">This year again as a holiday offering, all my books are available at 15% off through December 31. <a href="http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/stevespit" target="_blank">Click here for details. </a><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><b>Happy Holidays to you all, whatever holidays you enjoy!</b></span></span></div>
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Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-34646625696528544382017-08-18T09:10:00.003-07:002017-08-18T09:11:15.968-07:00It's Simple, and It Works!<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When young children don’t do what we want, we call it misbehaving. We often get upset, and then we attempt to change their behavior with various kinds of punishment from scolding to time-outs and beyond. What if we could reframe these situations in our own thinking and thereby maintain our calm, AND enact an effective method to change the child’s behavior? It is possible, and I’ll tell you how.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">First of all it is important to realize that a young child is a creature of habit, even more than we are. If a child has the habit of whining, or a habit of taking toys that another child is already using, we must understand that the habit started as a strategy to get what the child wants or needs. A strategy that works is used again, and again, and again, and becomes a habit.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Adults tend to think, “Oh, that behavior is bad, or wrong, or not appropriate, or....” But actually, the strategy is effective and successful. Actually, the strategy is good. The unfortunate part is the other person in the interaction did not like what happened.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">So we adults have to start thinking, “How can I offer a different strategy for the child?”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">And one way to change behavior with young children is to offer them something you would be happy if they imitated. Instead of scolding, how about if you say what you hope the child (eventually) begins to imitate?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Young children learn by imitation, and we have to learn how to work with that principle.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When a child runs into the house and leaves the door open, you can gently close the door while saying, “I like the door to be closed.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When a child takes a toy from another, you can hold out your hand, palm up, and say, “It is his turn now.” And hand the toy back to the one who previously had it. And add, “You can have a turn next.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">You might have to do this 10 times, or 100 times, or ???? Eventually one of the children will start to say what you have been saying. As the child comes over to take the toy again, the one with the toy may say, “It’s my turn. You can have it next.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Or the child comes over to the one with the toy and says. “Can I have a turn next?”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">It really is this simple. And it works.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">It is based on you, the adult, and your calmness and understanding. <i>This is a strategy. I can offer a new strategy. And I can use imitation as the method of teaching that new strategy.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span>(Here is the group of teachers and parents I worked with in Xi'an, China, earlier this month.)</span></div>
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Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-82974485027892761652017-03-08T08:29:00.000-08:002017-10-10T18:39:48.984-07:00It's Up To You<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I often say ‘It is not about the child, it’s about the parent, or teacher.’ </span></span><span style="font-size: large;">The reason is neurology.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When we are young, we develop strategies for getting our needs met. These strategies offer us some amount of feelings of safety, satisfaction or connection, and we fall back on these strategies because they work (to some degree). Strategies that we use over and over again become our habits, our reaction patterns. When stress rises up for us, when people don’t do what we want, we react. These reactions have become conditioned, patterned responses in our behavior and our neurology. From my previous posts, you can understand when I say that these habits, these reaction patterns, live in an interaction between our Reptilian Brain and our Limbic System.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Now what if it is a young child that isn’t doing what we want? First of all our reaction pattern kicks in, usually to ‘attack’ the child in some way. When we use shame as a weapon, when we blame the child or the like, we are attacking. That is what it feels like. When we punish the child in any and various ways, it is attacking.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Additionally we are using our power over the child to get what we want. We have more physical size and strength, as well as more connection to our own ‘self.’ We become a ‘bully’ toward our child. And in doing so, we are damaging the connection between us and our child.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The child reacts to this danger from the depths of his brain stem, the Reptile Brain, to alleviate the threat. Guess what? Learning is a function of the Limbic System. We want the child to ‘learn’ not to do something, but we create an impossible to learn-from situation. All he can do is protect himself, usually by retreating or freezing. The part of the brain that does learning is not active.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Our child loves us, and love is based on trust; trust in safety and connection. When we use attack reactions to get what we want, the child experiences a lack of safety and a lack of connection. When you do your reaction habit, <i>you</i> are not home. Your habit is in charge. Your prefrontal cortex is not in play - just your Reptile and Limbic systems.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">So the child feels the love, and also feels the potential for danger, for non-safety. The love has become conditional on behavior. So the child withdraws a little each time in the face of the danger you present.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Of course we want our children to learn. Unfortunately what they are learning is our reaction techniques. They imitate us. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What sort of example do you want to be? </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Do you want to create an environment of unconditional love for your child?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">It is up to you. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">You have a prefrontal cortex. Use it, and make yourself worthy of imitation. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Overcome your reaction patterns and be present to creating solutions in the moment.</span></span></div>
Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-20919255513618742942017-01-28T17:52:00.000-08:002017-01-29T06:05:38.290-08:00From My Imagination<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>This is a story for everyone. And especially for my children, my grandchildren and all the young children of our world.</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Once there was a small pussy cat. She had white and grey stripes, and her ears were pink. Every day she walked down the path, looking at the flowers, playing with the butterflies and going about her business. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Most days nothing troubled her, but sometimes she met an old, Grouchy Dog. He seemed like a cross between a jackal and a hyena. He didn’t like anyone, and especially anyone walking on his path, as he called it. When little Pussy walked by, he growled at her and sometimes would chase her and try and grab her and bite her. She was quick though, and always stayed out of his reach.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">One day little Pussy was talking to Raccoon and she told him about Grouchy Dog.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“That dog is so grouchy. No one likes being growled at,” said Raccoon.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“And I don’t like being chased by that scary old Dog,” said Pussy.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"> Rabbit said, “We have to do something. Today he is trying to grab little Pussy. Tomorrow it could be our children.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“Yes,”said Squirrel. “It could be our children, or even us.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The animals had a forest meeting. Many animals spoke in agreement. Some were scared. Some seemed too busy to be bothered. And some just wanted to ignore it all.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">They met for a long time. Finally Fox said, “This is about all of us. It is our forest, our world. If we don’t do something, no one will. We are the ones. This is about the safety of all of us.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“What then will we do?” said wise old Mr. Owl.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">There was silence as they all thought. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Finally, Rabbit spoke up. “What if we all wear pink pussy ears to show we care about Pussy and to show Grouchy Dog we won’t stand for this any more.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">There was silence again, but only for a moment. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Then Mr. Owl said, “That just might work.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Now it so happened that Raccoon was a knitter and a very good one at that. He soon had knitted pink pussy ear hats for them all. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The next time Pussy walked down her regular path, Grouchy Dog growled at her. As soon as he started to run at her to grab her, Pussy held up her little paw and said, “Stop!”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“Why should I?” said Dog.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“Because I don’t like it.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Raccoon stepped out from behind a tree with his pussy hat. Rabbit hopped up from behind Dog. Squirrel scampered down the tree with her pussy hat. Fox sauntered along with his pussy hat. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Even Mama Dog and her three puppies came out , all with their pussy hats.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Grouchy Dog was surprised.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Raccoon said, “We don’t like what you are doing to our friend, Pussy.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Fox said, “We won’t let you bother her.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Rabbit said, “We want you to leave her alone.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">“We all want to feel safe,” said Squirrel.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">And Mama Dog said, “We will always be here to protect Pussy. You can’t bother her anymore.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Old Dog stood there and growled at them all. All the animals got closer together until they were standing shoulder to shoulder, wearing their pink pussy hats. Grouchy Dog realized they were all in it together to protect Pussy and each other, and he could not overcome them all. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Then Rabbit said, “You can be our friend if only you will stop growling at us, and stop trying to bite us.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Grouchy Dog thought for a minute and said, “No, I don’t think so.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">And Grouchy Dog turned around and went back to his home which was a sort of a hole in the ground. And he never bothered Pussy, or any of the other animals again. </span></span></div>
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</style>Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-42606320592230339112016-12-24T21:25:00.000-08:002016-12-24T21:25:24.127-08:00Fear and Anger, or Hope and Love, You Choose<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I think about the needs of young children a lot. I try to inspire adults towards deeper connecting with young children. I make suggestions, I advise, I encourage and I offer guidance when asked. It is both my passion and what I think will make a brighter future for us all.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">This year I have seen the needs of young children take a back seat to the fear created by the angry adults we see all too often in the news. Our world is indeed in a mess but I am sure that fear and anger are not leading us to a path to renewal.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">At this time of year many cultures celebrate events from the past, stories of special people from long ago. There are common themes we can glean from those powerful stories dear to various traditions including the stories of the birth and life of Jesus, the stories of the Maccabees, and stories of the return from exile of Ram. These stories point us toward hope, resilience and love as the key to change, to our own soulful renewal.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The annual experience of the Winter Solstice gives the same picture. The days have been growing shorter and shorter leading up to the day of the Solstice, the shortest day of the year, and the longest night. And the very next day, the light begins to return. The days gradually lengthen and the nights grow shorter. The darkest night of the year is the gateway to the return of the light, the return of the Sun.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Let it shine, let it shine...What we all need is to connect with our own light. The same light that shines from the Sun and the stars lives inside each one of us. When we feel that light inside, we can live with hope and send out love into the world and to those around us.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">This might seem like a lofty idea. Maybe it is, but it is something we can do. We can! </span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-size: large;">The children are depending on us to show them that hope lives and love is a force of protection and transformation. Not fear and anger, but surround the children with our hope and love. Young children learn about the world, and learn how to be in the world by imitation. Give them your hope and love to imitate. Hope and love are stronger than fear and anger. Always remember that!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Every year we are reminded of this by the many celebrations in mid-winter. There are so many symbols of light overcoming the darkness, of resistance and resilience powered by hope and love. Let them into your heart. For the children. For yourself. For the world.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">It’s time for change and it starts with each one of us. Each small candle casts light into the darkness. The light of many candles can illumine a darkened world. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Let it shine, let it shine.</span></span></div>
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Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-7932057190169473312016-11-16T17:39:00.001-08:002016-11-16T20:10:23.118-08:00It's Time to Matter!<style type="text/css">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">One of the most important things for a young child to experience are the feelings of joy and safety. The natural state of exploration and discovery that occupies most of the waking time of the young child is usually accompanied by joy, awe and amazement. This is the state of affairs that supports the natural development of physical coordination, healthy sense development and cognitive development, and many other areas of early childhood growth. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">When the child does not feel safe, development can not happen to its full extent. Play is not possible in an atmosphere of fear, and as we know, play is learning for the young child. When adults in the child’s environment are anxious and fearful, the child absorbs this too and the child is hindered in various aspects of developing capacities. Anxiety and fear create a cold environment, and development requires soul warmth based on the basic human needs of safety, satisfaction and connection being met. Where there is fear, it is hard for love to find a footing.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">I think it is reasonable question to consider today how we can create an environment where our young children feel safe. Whatever one’s political opinions, it is impossible to deny that our children are experiencing a new world of people expressing their hate of other peoples. (Of course this has been going on since time immemorial, but it is magnified today.) I have heard many, many recent stories of children coming home from kindergartens asking if they will be forced to go away, or to go back where they came from. This is not a situation that anyone could feel safe in, let alone a young child.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">What can loving adults do to support the children who are feeling fear? How can we help the children to feel safe? These are big questions because, in fact, many adults do not feel safe with the recent political changes in the US.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">First of all, it is important to consider what you are saying when your children are present. Perhaps hold back from initiating or engaging in certain conversations when your young ones are present. <i>Little pitchers have big ears.</i> The children hear it all, and they do not have a way to process the information they take in. Young children are best served by a total lack of experience of news media. Wait until they are older to ride in the car listening to the news, or watching TV or internet news while your young ones are around.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">Don’t deny your own feelings. The little ones already can sense your fear or sadness. If they ask, be honest about what you are feeling, yet do not go deeply into the why. The children don’t need the details. What is your own method of dealing with your own challenging feelings? Do you have an outlet, or do the feelings fester?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">Most importantly, let your children know that they are safe, and that you will keep them safe. “Mommy, a boy at kindergarten said all brown people are gonna have to go away." </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">“That sounds scary honey. We don’t have to go anywhere. Our friends don't have to go away. I will keep you safe.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">I saw this quoted from Mr. Fred Rogers yesterday. I think this applies to adults too. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers—so many caring people in this world. </i>Who are the allies and helpers? Who is standing up for what you believe in to help make this world a safer place for all of us?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">One is not limited to the ‘bad’ news that our various media sources deliver. There is so much positive action being taken all around the world that can inspire us in our own daily lives. Look to the helpers and caring people who are changing the world into a kinder one that protects and supports childhood as a source of renewed enthusiasm for engaging in life!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="s1">Our children need to feel safe, and they need to experience our presence in their lives. </span><span class="s2">True connecting with your young child takes action on your part to overcome the habits our consumer culture has created. It takes effort not to be overwhelmed by our own fears that the political climate has exacerbated. That effort is so important for our children’s sake. </span><span class="s1">Our attention and connection with our children goes a long way toward developing feelings of safety with the world. Again I remind you to limit your use of electronic devices so they are not an obstacle to connecting with your child. Have some electronic-free time, and try to use your smart phone when your child is asleep, or otherwise engaged and you are elsewhere. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Here is a <a href="https://chopracentermeditation.com/article/10-daily_practices_for_peacemakers?j=30603511&e=lunamarimba%40gmail.com&l=1508637_HTML&u=374905231&mid=10914347&jb=231&utm_source=21+DAY+-+3CPO+ME&utm_medium=Email&utm_content=C3P0-Nur-9&utm_campaign=21+DAY+-+3CPO+ME20161113&sso_code=eyJpdiI6IncwWkZ2WW1zQ3NUNGN1QlNJa0VcL0xBPT0iLCJ2YWx1ZSI6ImtRRDhVaGRqd2xvQU5KQjZ0SGFPWjRVZ2QxK0RtNHZpeTBtalRDVERYeHV3aFwvSk4wN2ZvVGJIamI3eUpUQW55K2lxM3YwN29YSFlOOWszelFpRFM0Z2tZUEhLOXJUMlBETXk4OGdNd0VTZz0iLCJtYWMiOiI2OWIyNjI2MTA2ZTg1MGE4ZWVlNmIxOWM5OWNhMjNiYWQ5NzRjYmE1ZjM2OTM0ZTlhZjhiODc4ZDgwY2EwZmI5In0%3D" target="_blank">practice from Deepak Chopra </a>that could be helpful for connecting with inner peace in these turbulent times. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;">For me, another source of strength to be able to provide a sheath of safety for the children comes from Christopher Fry’s play, <i>A Sleep of Prisoners:</i><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>...Good has no fear;</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Good is itself, what ever comes.</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>It grows, and makes, and bravely</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Persuades, beyond all tilt of wrong:</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Stronger than anger, wiser than strategy,</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>Enough to subdue cities and men</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>If we believe it with a long courage of truth.</i></span></span></div>
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Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-78750918725333543492016-08-15T18:43:00.000-07:002016-12-09T17:47:30.818-08:00If Your Are in Reaction Mode, You Are Your Inner Reptile<div class="p1">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Q1ZfipPyVIziV87vcqvt4SWP48mi-ydFN0OfIIDGT4j4oPpjmK8fGAjrFm57kZ_x_icZs6KVjZCfISf8VhWJIKdg6uYOOm7TfAaCKqFtW2V75j2UNStFCblw9XWMJ1yKQVkN7PF0I_VW/s1600/IMG_1351.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Q1ZfipPyVIziV87vcqvt4SWP48mi-ydFN0OfIIDGT4j4oPpjmK8fGAjrFm57kZ_x_icZs6KVjZCfISf8VhWJIKdg6uYOOm7TfAaCKqFtW2V75j2UNStFCblw9XWMJ1yKQVkN7PF0I_VW/s320/IMG_1351.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sorry I have not done a post in a while. I just returned from a 4-week trip to China teaching a group of 60 kindergarten teachers. I had a flash of insight during one lecture and I want to share it with you!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">* * * * * * * * * </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have seen it so many times...</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">A parent want their child to do something (or not do something), and the child is not going along with that plan. The parent loses his or her calm and gets upset, and speaks to the child with demands, threats, shame and blame, etc...The parent wants to ‘correct’ the child’s behavior.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The result is that the child is fearful and closes off and is not available for connection. And most importantly for the parent, the child cannot learn what it is the parent was wanting to communicate. Shouting and shaming cannot teach anything, except that shouting and shaming is the way to get what you want. (See some of my previous posts on imitation as the young child’s primary learning modality.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Let’s look at this from another angle. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The facts:</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The parent wants a certain outcome.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The child is not going along with that plan.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The parent wants the child to learn something (to do, or not do).</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Parent gets upset and possibly shouts, and uses words of threat, shame and blame.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Child gets upset.</span></span><br />
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Parent feels sad and unsatisfied with the interaction.</span></span><br />
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Repeat...and repeat...until parent does something different.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">From a neurological standpoint, when you ‘lose it’ you and are <b><i>re-</i>acting</b>, you are being run by your “reptile brain.” The reptile brain is the most ancient of the neurological ‘systems and is functional in fight, flight and freeze. It’s job is survival. It is especially activated when there are safety fears.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Learning occurs in the limbic system, which also is involved in emotional bonding between parent and child, and play behaviors.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When a parent is in reaction mode, the reptile brain is in command. When a child is approached by his or her reacting parent, it feels like an attack. The child feels unsafe and fearful and so the child also switches to reptile brain to get back to safety, perhaps by defending themself, or perhaps by becoming aggressive.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When reptile brain meets reptile brain there can be no connecting, and the child cannot learn what the parent is trying to ‘teach.’ Learning happens when the limbic system is active. Executive function and creative problem solving occurs in the prefrontal cortex, or neomammalian system of the brain. We need to short circuit our reaction patterns so we can utilize our prefrontal cortex and find a <b>response </b>or solution to our situation.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Think about it...when you want to correct your child’s behavior, you have to maintain your calm so your child does not have the need to fight or flee (anger or withdrawal).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I am not saying to not have feelings. No, have your feelings. Surely you get angry, and sad, and more, in situations with your child. Just don’t let those feelings run you. Equanimity is the name of the game. Recognize your feelings, and do not let those feelings stimulate your reaction patterns. Think of a response to the situation to create solutions. Then you are taking advantage of the millions of years of neurological evolution that provided you with your brain. And you are offering an environment to your child where his or her limbic system can be involved and learning can take place. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Call on your highest human neurological aspects, and thereby lead your child toward being more truly human. </span></span><span style="font-size: large;">What do you think?</span></div>
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Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-91873985903821110022016-04-19T20:43:00.000-07:002016-04-19T20:43:57.612-07:00Surrender your agenda
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<span style="font-size: large;">Your agenda can be an obstacle to connection and a harmonious life. Learning to surrender your agenda leads to more presence and acceptance. Often adults have plans and expectations about the way they want things to be. There can be an attachment to particular outcomes. When what they want doesn’t happen, old reaction patterns arise and get in the way of connection. Your agenda, your expectations and your attachment to the way you think things should be is a major cause of stress and conflict!</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">As I have spoken about so many times on this page, our reaction patterns are old strategies we developed when we ourselves were young children to try to get our own needs met, and to attempt to deal with stress. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Warning: We are now entering into the dangerous territory of ‘should.’</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Many adults feel more safe when they have some sense of control over their environment. That includes being able to expect what is going to happen, and how others “ought” to act. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When our young children don’t do as they <i>should</i>, our agenda is compromised. </span></span><span style="font-size: large;">When young children do what they <i>shouldn’t</i> we lose the feeling of safety we get by the attempt to control our environment and the people around us.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Our agenda is what we expect to come to pass, except we did not reach any agreements with other involved parties. Therefore our unspoken expectation is not agreed to, or even known about by the other party, ie. your young child. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">There are a couple things to do to prevent situations when your agenda is thwarted. You can plan ahead. Use that highly evolved brain, particularly your prefrontal cortex, and take action based on thought and planning.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">For instance; you have an appointment and need to be out the door with your young child at a certain time. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Try making sure your child is fully dressed before he or she gets engaged in play. Don’t wait until the last minute to get ready to go because surely something unexpected will arise. “Now where is that other shoe?” “Where did I put the keys?” </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Instead of demanding your young child put toys away, put them away together and make a fun activity out of it. Leave plenty of time for getting ready.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Another action you can take to eliminate the stress of your agenda not being fulfilled is to embrace chaos. Chaos is the unplanned, the unexpected and the disorderly. How much chaos can you feel comfortable with? Can we live in the chaos of not knowing what is going to happen next? When we can learn to dance with chaos instead of resisting it and trying to control it away, form can organically arise and we feel more relaxed and are more connected to our children. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Additionally, can we consider the needs and wants of our young child when our unfulfilled agenda alarms are ringing. If we include our child in the equation, it is possible that more compassion and patience can manifest.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Learning to let go of our your agenda means giving up the struggling and holding on to trivial issues, and discovering the gifts of allowing. When we can allow life to happen, we live with an open heart, an undefended heart, and then deep connection can thrive.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Besides, who says our agenda is so important?</span></span></div>
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Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-45006643396521908442016-02-10T08:37:00.000-08:002016-02-11T09:11:19.526-08:00Real Quality Time - 5 Important Considerations<div class="p1">
<span style="font-size: large;">Recently I was re-experiencing the amazing results of doing real work with the young children are around. When I am truly engaged in necessary, meaningful work around my house or preschool or kindergarten, the children are served in ever so many ways. Of course it is important to be playful with the children, and to play with them sometimes. It is also important to get the things done that your household or facility require for continued smooth functioning and beautiful aesthetics.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What sort of work am I talking about? I mean the real stuff of cleaning, cooking, pruning, raking, laundry, bathroom cleaning, window cleaning, sweeping, mopping, cobweb removal... You know what I mean. Some call these sorts of things ‘domestic activity.’ When you hate to do these things, the benefits to the children are limited. Learn to love taking care of your home - for the children’s sake at least.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Young children are newly arrived to our world. What helps to ground them into earthly life, and gives them activities to imitate and thereby develop capacities and skills, is the work of taking care of our home environments. This is true quality time for the children. If we learn to focus our engaged attention on these needed tasks and at the same time develop open channels of communication and connection with the children, we have high quality time.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">When a baby is born, first he has to develop control of muscles to be able to pilot the vessel he has been given. Then he has to learn hygiene of this inherited body. Next step is to learn to care for the home and the surroundings his body lives in. For me, incorporating activities of caring for the home environment into daily life is supportive of early childhood development in so many ways. When he is going on the grade 1 it is time to look out into the surrounding world and discover what is there.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I think of early years development as concentric circles. The inner circle is learning how to move. Next is learning to keep the body clean and fed. The next circle out is caring for the home. And just in time for first grade, we look out into and begin to learn about and understand the wider world.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Why real work is so important:</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">1. Getting done what needs to be done around the home decreases stress levels for the adults which in turn creates a more harmonious, peaceful and wonderful environment for the young children. Adult stress and anxiety don’t foster the child’s development.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">2. Play is the essential ‘work’ of the young child. When the adult engages in ‘real’ work around the home or kindergarten, the play of the children is more grounded and harmonious. The more you can focus on the work that is needed (while keeping the eyes in the back of your head on the children) the more constructive the children’s play. If you continually are the ‘entertainer’ for your young child, you are creating a pattern that is hard to change later. The child will rely on you as a playmate and won’t be as much of a self-starter able to entertain himself.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">3. Young children learn by imitation. With the adult example of real work activities, the children can learn actual skills. And they can develop habits of taking care of their home environments. We are thereby helping the children into the community of human doers, workers and makers, and giving them a strong foundation for their individual futures.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">4. The so-called domestic activities are <i>love in action.</i> These activities are in service to the community of the home or kindergarten and are social deeds. Without instructing or explaining, we are helping the children develop a sense of social responsibility by including home care as part of daily life together.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1">5. We are giving examples for the children to imitate and develop skillful <u>hand</u>s able to do these tasks. The children become </span><span class="s2"><u>hand</u></span><span class="s1">y, and as they grow they are able to </span><span class="s2"><u>hand</u></span><span class="s1">le many types of situations.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What sorts of activities can you do to incorporate the children? If you are doing the laundry, the children can joyfully join in the folding. They may not be as quick or as neat as you, but they can participate just the same. Sweeping is an amazing activity for enhancing motor development. Washing and cutting the veggies for the soup is an obvious time for young helpers. Window washing is a great joy for young ones. Try filling a spray bottle with plain water and using microfiber cloths to clean the windows. It is the best way to clean glass. In fact, water and microfiber cloths is the best way to clean most everything. Be the example of using some elbow grease and the children will be lining up to help! </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Can we support the children in their development by becoming handy men and women, </span><span style="font-size: large;">whether we are a teacher or parent? That is, the person who can fix what needs fixing, and clean up afterwards. We can all learn to do simple plumbing, wood repairs and so much more and thereby give the children so much to imitate. This way we support them into the community of human doing.</span>Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-37546975251548592912016-01-12T11:06:00.000-08:002016-01-12T17:01:39.092-08:00Magical Confidence<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">My kindergarten group one year included a tall, older boy named “Noah.” Noah was six-years-old. One day Noah noticed one of the other children was playing with a toy that Noah liked. I watched Noah walk over, grab the toy, and tug it away from the other boy. Noah then went to the other side of the room leaving the other boy teary-eyed.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Standing between me and Noah was a student teacher who was spending 3 weeks in my kindergarten. She was facing Noah and I watched for a minute or so to see if she could help resolve the situation. I could see her tensing up wanting to do or say something but she did not.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Not wanting the situation to be prolonged, I went over to Noah with outstretched hand, palm up. I didn’t say anything. Noah looked at me, sighed and handed me the toy. Then I went over to the boy who had started with the toy and handed it to him. At the same time I spoke, loudly enough for Noah to hear across the room, “It is Sam’s turn now. Noah can have a turn next.”</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>That’s all I said and did</b>, and I resumed the activity I had been doing with some other children. The situation was resolved. Harmony was restored. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">And I had offered the two boys something they could imitate in future interactions, though it might take a number of similar interventions by me until one or the other boy took up a new approach. Noah could perhaps go to another child and ask, “Could I have a turn next?” Or Sam could say, when another child is trying to take something he is using, “It’s my turn now. You can have a turn next.” But <b>remember, it might take many, many similar interventions </b>by me until the children take up the new habit in their speaking.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>What does not work is saying,”I already told you</b> to ask for a turn.” It is not useful to expect quick changes in children’s behaviors. It results in frustration on the adult’s part when you expect change after one or two on fifty interventions. <b>Habit change is slow</b> and comes at it’s own time.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">One thing that helps me is understanding that the children have developed habits, unconscious strategies, that have been successful for them in their past so they will keep using those habits until another strategy takes it’s place. That takes time and repetition.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">After the children had gone home that day, the student teacher asked me, “How did you do that?” She was amazed. She though I did something magical. I thought I took a simple and logical action. In our discussion we came to realize that when I approached Noah, hand open for him to give me the toy, I had confidence that he would give it to me. I didn’t force him to give it to me, but I knew he would. I knew the situation called for the other boy having the toy returned to him and so I was the vehicle for restoring kindergarten harmony. And on some level Noah knew it too. My student teacher went away considering the question of inner confidence in knowing what is needed.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Thanks to all of you for reading. I hope I can continue to offer helpful ideas and experiences that make your life with young children more satisfying for all concerned! </span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">And now for some 'housekeeping.'</span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">If you want to receive this newsletter, after signing up there is still one step to complete. An automatic email is sent to your email address and you must <b>confirm </b>if you want to have this newsletter sent to your inbox.</span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">One another subject, I want your help with solving a mystery. I noticed on the analytics page of my blog (that only I can access) that for a couple of weeks, hundreds of views of my blog are from folks in Russia. I don’t know who those folks are, ‘google analytics’ does not give that information. My blog is in English, I have not yet done workshops in Russia. I have no close family there, though some ancestors came from there bringing my surname.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">If anyone can help with this mystery, please contact me. I am so curious.</span></span></div>
Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-72610124904741686912015-12-29T11:45:00.000-08:002015-12-29T11:55:57.511-08:00The Turning of the Year - 9 recommendations<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The turning point of the year is a time to look back at what we have done, and consider what we could do better in the future. In the northern hemisphere where I live most of the time, the days are shorter at this time of year leading to more introspection and reflection. It is a time to take hold of one’s own development and self-education. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">British poet and playwright Christopher Fry wrote the following words in 1951 in his play <i>A Sleep of Prisoners</i>. They also speak clearly to our time, to our moment in world history;</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">The human heart can go to the lengths of God.</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Dark and cold we may be, but this</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Is no dark winter now. The frozen misery</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Of centuries breaks, cracks, begins to move,</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">The thunder is the thunder of the floes,</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">The thaw, the flood, the upstart Spring.</span></i></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Thank God our time is now when wrong</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Comes up to face us everywhere,</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Never to leave us till we take</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">The longest stride of soul men ever took.</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Affairs are now soul size.</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">The enterprise</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Is exploration into God.</span></i></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">Where are you going? It takes</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">So many thousand years to wake,</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-size: large;">But will you wake for pity’s sake....</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">What can we each do to wake up? It is no easy task, this “longest stride of soul.” Only we ourselves know what to do to make ourselves into into the better person we can become. How can I better serve the world and the young children who are the future?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I wish you all strength and enthusiasm in your own work at shining some light into your shadows and creating new habits that are more supportive and life affirming. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">As we transition from 2015 to 2016, I’d like to share nine recommendations that are valuable and meaningful for me - s</span></span><span style="font-size: large;">ome of my favorite resources to help you on your way. </span><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">1. <a href="http://allianceforchildhood.org/" target="_blank">The Alliance for Childhood</a> promotes policies and practices that support children’s healthy development, love of learning, and joy in living. Their public education campaigns bring to light both the promise and the vulnerability of childhood. The Alliance has published various writings in support of healthy development and a sustainable future for our children. They campaign on behalf of the children for a more just and healthy future.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">2. For 20 years now, <a href="http://lilipoh.com/" target="_blank">LILIPOH magazine</a> has been offering ideas on living a healthy lifestyle from many perspectives. Their wonderful articles address nutrition and food, health, gardening, social life, education, economics and more. I hope you have had a chance to read some of their issues, if not...now is the time.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">3. <i>The Challenge of the Will,</i> written by Margret Meyerkort and Rudi Lissau, offers guidance for understanding young children and human beings of all ages. The tone of this book is very much one of <i>questioning</i>. We are not told what to do, but through the images that are offered we can decide how to best meet the needs of the young child. This little book also looks to the self-education of the adult as a key to the child’s healthy development. When we can wake up and be more present, we can better serve the needs of the children.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">4. <a href="http://slowparenting.dk/" target="_blank">Helle Heckmann</a> led a program for 1- to 6-year-olds in Copenhagen and has traveled widely offering workshops, lectures and mentoring. For 30 years, her goal has been to support parents and child caregivers who want to nurture early childhood and help young children blossom and thrive. Helle writes an inspiring blog!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The next few listings are folks who support the work of adult self development. They offer tools and paradigms for self-education as well as practices for self-transformation.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">5. <a href="http://www.rickhanson.net/" target="_blank">Rick Hanson</a> is a psychologist, writer and Buddhist teacher. His books include <i>Hardwiring Happiness </i>and <i>Buddha's Brain. </i>Rick’s work examines the relationship of meditative activity and neurology and offers techniques for changing our own neurology. He also offers an online program to help you develop positive neuroplasticity called <a href="https://fwb.rickhanson.net/affiliate/3728" target="_blank">Foundations for Wellbeing</a>. This program helps you turn everyday experiences into inner strengths including kindness toward yourself, insight into others, grit, gratitude and self-worth.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">6. <a href="http://davericho.com/" target="_blank">David Richo</a> is another psychologist and Buddhist teacher. His many books include <i>You Are Not What You Think</i> and <i>How to Be and Adult in Relationships. </i>David offers insight into how getting our needs met in our early years (or not) has repercussions in adulthood.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">7. <a href="http://brenebrown.com/" target="_blank">Brene Brown</a> has devoted her life to studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. Her insights into the human condition in our modern times is profound. She also has written three bestselling books:<i>Rising Strong, Daring Greatly </i>and <i>The Gifts of Imperfection. </i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Drs. Hanson, Richo and Brown all have numerous audio and video recordings you can access on the internet to more fully consider their work and its implications for your life.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">8. <a href="http://8shields.com/" target="_blank">The 8-Shields Foundation</a> is dedicated to the work of deep nature connection, culture repair, cultural mentoring and community resilience. They offer support in strengthening families and guidance in developing true mentoring. The practices they offer come from the wisdom traditions and elders of many cultures.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">9. Self-care. Nobody can do this for you. You need to find some balance and remember to enjoy yourself. What do you love to do?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">I suggest reading delicious novels and listening to great music. Here are a few authors I suggest; Louise Erdrich (<i>Plague of Doves, Four Souls)</i>, Terry Pratchett (the Disc World books) and Jane Yolen (<i>Except the Queen). </i>Each of these writers has published many, many books and I haven’t found a single lemon yet.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="s1">And as for music, if you ever get a chance to see <a href="https://www.facebook.com/bongolovemusic/?fref=ts" target="_blank">Bongo Love</a> perform, don’t miss it! </span>This band of young musicians from Zimbabwe play a unique style of music they call ‘afrocoustics.’ Their positive message of love and peace is steeped in an infectious rhythm and high musicianship. </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Make time for renewal and fun! Take some grownup time. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Self-care your way to a balanced life that enriches your children too!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">So as we enter into 2016, again I wish you wisdom, strength and enthusiasm to meet the world and nurture the young children who are the future. The world is depending on them! </span></span></div>
Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7040322857504386258.post-36787862528339946982015-11-30T11:37:00.001-08:002015-12-01T14:54:31.678-08:005 Guiding Thoughts for the Holiday Season<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">As a continuation of my previous post, I want to offer some more thoughts for the season.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Many religious traditions point to the specialness of this time of year. What the many traditions speak of at this time of year are light and love. Because of the shorter days and often cooler weather, there is a tendency toward inwardness. This can manifest as quiet reflection, contemplation and meditation, and can thereby be a time of a birth of the true self, that core part of our psyche that we want to guide us to awake responsiveness.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">We adults must make the time for this crucial self development activity!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">So here are my five guiding thoughts.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. This is a time of year to remember our human connectedness, human community, and the warmth and love of human relationships.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Phone or write cards (actual paper in envelopes with stamps) to reconnect with family and friends who you may have neglected reaching out to over the year or years. Sit down and eat meals together without electronic distractions. Experience the warmth of human gatherings.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. Remember your deep and true human values of giving, compassion, caring, generosity, sharing, warmth, and love.</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Out of your care and compassion, what support and help can you offer others who may be in need? A hug for a friend or a meal for a homeless person?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. How can you help your child toward these through your example?</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Rather than a mood of getting, frantic shopping, stress, and the over stimulation of malls, movies, and consumerism, create quiet times reading stories, singing and making things together and simply being together.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. How about making time for cooking together.?</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Surround your child with warmth of the modern hearth, the smells of cooking, the warmth of your activity, the giving of cooking for others, cooking as a gift? Maybe make some sandwiches that you can bring downtown and give away to folks who have less to eat that you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. Create an environment of less stimulation for your young child!</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">The world of stores is so bright and loud and intentionally overstimulating. Find ways to leave your young child at home if you must enter the rushing shopping world. Grandma or Grandpa would be so happy to have time with your children, or maybe you can trade off with other parents.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Do you know that the light source with the closest spectrum of light as sunlight is candle light? Have less bright lights (including colorful screens) and less loud music for your young children. Read and sing by candlelight. It can be such an enriching experience for you and your children.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-size: large;">Reminder: My books are still on sale for 15% off through December. </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/stevespit">http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/stevespit</a></span></div>
Chamakanda Stevehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03376511692493913049noreply@blogger.com0