I write this at the beginning of November. Halloween has passed, and I am guessing many people are gearing up for a coming holiday season. Many family traditions involve celebrations and holidays in the winter months. Thanksgiving comes at the end of November. This year Diwali is November 11. In 2015, Hanukkah starts the evening of December 6, the same day many families celebrate St. Nicholas. Yule is celebrated on the Solstice, December 21. Many families celebrate Christmas December 25, and the four weeks of Advent that lead up to it. Kwanzaa starts December 26.
One thing these Festivals have in common is a they celebrate the light in a time of year when the days are shorter. These celebrations generate gatherings of families and friends, sharing food together and often there are gifts exchanged.
What does your young child need this holiday season?
Let’s start out with what your child does not need.
She doesn’t need the new Hello Barbie.
He doesn’t need a new Touch and Swipe Baby Phone.
She doesn’t need the latest Game Boy or Disney Princess Doll.
He can do without a Drone Camera (even if you really want it).
It is not toys and gifts that your child needs. Your child most need you to truly connect with her. It isn’t stuff that is the real need - it is the fabric of a connected life. Connected to family and family traditions, to nature and the seasons, and connected to herself. The example of connecting the adults offer is the style of connecting imitated by the child. It is up to you to show the path to connecting in the holiday season.
It is you that your child most needs. You, the parent available, present and connecting. You are your child’s guide in this life on earth, and you are her example of how to live. To me, holidays are an opportunity to develop and nurture traditions of connecting with each other. And I’d like to share some specific suggestions.
What are the foods that are important to you as part of your family holiday? Do you have the same foods every year on that holiday? That is something that makes memories and helps your child have direct experiences of the cycle of the year.
When I think of foods, I try to think how the child can engage in the preparation of those foods. Can he help cut up the vegetables? Can she pour in the ingredients for the sauces? Can you knead the dough together? Be a creative cook and create ways for your young child to help prepare the food. Food preparation is a social gesture of service. Encourage your child in this way. One tip though - plan for the extra time that these young helpers will add to your prep time.
Another aspect of food is that you can make food together for other people as gifts. Grandma would love some pumpkin bread you made for her. Uncle Steve would be thankful for a batch of chocolate chip cookies. And don’t forget the mail delivery person and your health care professionals. The gift of food is a gift of love!
There are many other types of simple gifts you can make together with your children, the internet is littered with them. You can help your child to create gifts for siblings and other relatives. It is a wonderful sea change when you can shift your family culture from gift-getting to gift-giving! And you have created this opportunity for spending time together engaged on behalf of another person. Incredible!
What about singing together? My fondest elementary school memory is the weeks leading up to Winter Break each year. The school would open a half hour early for those who wanted, and the halls were full of teachers and children singing together songs from various religions and traditions. You can create this on a smaller scale and sing at home, maybe after dinner each evening, or in the car. “Of course,” you say. “That’s a great idea but I can’t sing.” The secret is, your child is NOT a critic. She will be a joyous participant in song with you and you will even discover it is FUN.
How about arranging for some friends and families to get together and walk around a neighborhood knocking on doors and offering songs to the residents? Caroling is great fun and you can even meet your neighbors. The possibilities are infinite.
Maybe you can have a special family outing to a special performance. Perhaps there is an annual artistic or musical performance in your area that you can make part of your family annual tradition, and each year make sure to return as a family in your fancy outing clothes. In my area, El Teatro Campesino presents theartrical productions and every other year they offer a version of the story of ‘Our Lady of Guadalupe’ they call “La Virgen del Tepeyac.” For my younger daughters, and now my granddaughter, it is our family tradition to head down to San Juan Bautista and enjoy the pageant (it’s really an amazing show) of the meeting of the traditional culture with the Spanish colonialists.
If giving gifts is important to you, I suggest limit the amount. Wisely choose the one gift that is just right for the child, and that she will enjoy and treasure. Gifts made by you are extra special.
A gift that is something for the child to do, or make, is a great way to go. How about a tool box or sewing kit and some supplies to go along with it. And then be sure to make something along with your child so she can learn by imitating you (because imitation is how the young child learns).
What about one special book as a gift? Maybe each year, for a birthday or a holiday gift, choose one book that you sense will mean something for your child. And then after he receives the book, read it to him again and again.
Oh...don’t forget to limit your own use of electronic devices so they are not an obstacle to connecting with your child. Have some electronic free time, and make the time to use your smart phone when your child is asleep, or otherwise engaged and you are elsewhere. Be smarter than your smart phone.
The best present for your child is your presence. True connecting with your young child takes some active will on your part to overcome the habits our consumer culture has created. It’s worth the effort.
Happy Holidays to you all, whatever holidays you enjoy!
